selective mutism

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the meaning:

it is an anxiety disorder when the person or typically a child doesn't talk in a certain situation for ex. school. and they talk normally when they are with the people she/he comfortable with.

it lasted long. 

to be honest I was doing good

i participate in class

i do good grades

i made two amazing friends

then they question me:

why just them? why do you not talk with us too?

i want to tell them: 

you didn't try to know me, they did.

then i was punished by my teacher by going to the clinic to pretend to be sick which i don't normally do.:

she seats me in the center of the class and yelled at me all of my classmates are looking at me. it has gotten worse.

Elementary:

I was bullied occasionally

High school:

I was bullied by the whole class. 

it was a speech choir they blame me. ONLY ME. For not speaking

how could you f*cking know?! It a group! I was doing my best! 

Everyday I was bullied. everyday I cry to sleep. I cut my faces on the class pictures that is how bad i f*cking felt.

they chased me to the girl's bathroom and banging the door, i cried i begged them to stop then I stop. my upper body frozen. it was worsen.

then only just then the school noticed. I was bullied 99 percent of the class.

Sophomore

i begged my parents to transfer me to a school with no bullies

lol like i can escape bullies. 

it's a catholic school. I tried to chat. I did have friends but I do not feel that there real, just using them to satisfy my mother that I can have friends.

then 3rd year, I bullied again. not too harsh but they are invading my personal space.


College

I was lost

i though i love the course but it was too much for me.

i felt numb

the subjects aren't hard. 

i don't have a purpose

or motivation

i fear the future.






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⏰ Huling update: Jun 23, 2022 ⏰

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