Time Stellar | Sirius Black

A Mother's Love

Alasia's face contorted to pained expression and she battled to keep blank. "You said so the last fifteen times too."

Nebula breathed shakily. "I'm so sorry. I promise, I promise I won't hit you again."

"You do?" Alasia's eyes looked up sadly. Her mother had been by her side all along after all. She must mean it if she said so.

"I do." She vigorously nodded. "I promise, oh come here, I'm so sorry."

Alasia hesitantly crawled in her mother's arms, her tiny body growing up rather slowly than the others. She was short and now chubby with acne scars. They told her she'd be undesirable for the rest of her life.

How'd they get the idea when she was only ten? Was it so normal to sexualise a child and to make it known that their face was everything? That no matter good or bad, what does matter is if they are lean and tall and curvy?

Nebula cradled her, hugging her tightly as she smiled softly at Alasia. "I'm sorry I got angry, you know mother has a little temper problem, do you not?"

Alasia steadily nodded. "I don't know why I'm the one whom you take it out on every time."

"I don't have anyone other than you." Spoke Nebula. "You're my girl, and I feel like I can take my anger out on you. You forgive me."

Alasia didn't understand why that meant she had the right to raise a hand at her, but she said nothing nevertheless.

She felt everything and nothing all at once. And that was not how things were supposed to work for a ten year old. She was supposed to run in the meadows and laugh while she fell. She wasn't sure if when she was born, she was a human who knew how to be happy in the truest of forms. Was she always this way? Did something make her like this? Was she always forgiving? Would she be forgiving in the future? Always hungry for love, always letting it go, always wanting her mother's soft gaze, never receiving it? Did she love her? Did she even know what love meant?

Nebula made Alasia want to smile, and she made her want to scream, she made her want to rise and she made her want to cry until she couldn't anymore. She made her want to fly and she made her want to drown, she was her best supporter and her worst hater. She was someone Alasia couldn't live without, she was someone Alasia wanted to stay away from. She was confused, and she was tired. Why was she already so exhausted from life? Hadn't it only just started?

The times she had been called loud and annoying by Nebula and how the bright light faltered from the little daughter's eyes and her words trailed off, falling from the cliff and getting mauled by the jagged rocks before hitting the rockbottom. And Alasia was yet to know, in the future when she would do the much similar thing, talk for a moment too long, she would quieten on her own accord, knowing it was annoying. And how sad, that she was scarred in the deepest of ways, from the littlest of things, thinking she was that undeserving. Never had she ever heard her mother say that to Altair. All men were created equally. Where did she fit in?

Nebula had left, ordering here and there to the elves to make food.

"Paddy." Called Alasia.

A house elf materialised in front of her. The girl smiled at the elf's teary eyes. "Who hurt little mistress? Does mistress want Paddy to do something about it?"

She shook her head. "I want you to pack my trunk for tomorrow. I will be leaving a day early."

Paddy opened her mouth to speak but she cut her off. "Paddy, love, you know that I can't be by your side always, yes?"

"Paddy knows." The elf spoke in a shaky voice.

"During Hogwarts, I want you to accompany my brother. Mother only gave me a house elf for...she believed I would need help to dress up like a perfect lady." Alasia sighed. "And after that, I need you to not go in front of mother ever."