𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄, adam reed

rule 15 • but i need him to like me because i'm scared of being alone

"that's not suspicious." adam said.

i rolled my eyes, reading over the post.

'cherry has rabies. she needs to be put into a mental hospital.'

i looked up.

"you have rabies!" i scoffed, shoving my phone in my pocket.

"what are you talking about?" adam questioned.

god, why does he always do this?

whenever i start to hate him a little bit less, he always fucks it up.

he always has to do some stupid shit to annoy me.

i just wanna grab him by his soft hair. his stupid, repulsive, disgusting, soft hair.

and then i wanna grab him by the collar of his flannel and toss him into a dumpster.

"we were just having a decent time." adam complained.

"wow, okay." i began.

"no, you always do this!"

"because of you!"

"why can't you go one day where you leave me alone?"

"fine."

"fine!"

i crossed my arms.

i might as well stay home.

because i hate all of my friends at school.

i hate all of my friends outside of school. the only fucking person i ever see is adam.

why him?

he hates me and i hate him.

why is he the only one that stays?

i made a mistake a few years ago. i bullied him when he was just trying to be nice to me.

i can't keep making that mistake. but i will.

maybe if i finally stopped i would be a new person.

i would be a good person that people liked.

i wish that my loneliness would go away.

that i could feel like i belonged. in this city, in this world, in this reality.

i constantly had to find reasons to stay.

and my only reason was adam.

my friends didn't give a fuck about me. my job didn't depend on me being here.

it was adam.

he was tying me to down to my existence, he was holding my here, he was motivating me to stay.

it felt so weird to bully adam.

to insult him.

it used to be fine. i used to be able to be mean to him with toir even thinking twice.

but now i struggle with even coming up with good insults.

i need him to like me.

if he's the only person who even tolerated me, i need him to like me.

i need him to love me so i can ignore everything.

so i can feel like i matter to at least one person.

i hate him so much.

but i need him to like me because he's the only person who's ever given me the time of day.

he's the one person who's always there.

other people ignore me.

they have their place in the world and they have people who love them.

they feel right.

it feels like my life is on loop. like i'm stuck.

my entire life has been the same.

i wake up, make fun of adam, spend the day with adam.

every thing has adam.

it's always him.

every day i pretend like i don't care about him. like i don't care about anything.

but i need him to like me because i'm scared of being alone.

i turned back to my chromebook, staring at the blank  page.

i began to input pictures, picking out the worst pictures of people i hated to put in.

including adam.

"stop!" adam saw the picture of him, half-way through a sneeze, that i took specifically in case he got on my nerves.

he snatched my chrome book away.

"give me my shit back." i yanked the computer away from him.

we tugged on it, until it landed on the floor with a loud crack.

"dumbass!" i smacked his shoulder.

"me! why'd you tug on it?" adam pointed.

"because you literally snatched my fucking chromebook away?"

"because you put a horrible picture of me!"

"maybe it's not a horrible picture and you're just ugly!"

"maybe i'll put a horrible picture of you on there!"

"there are no horrible pictures of me!"

"adam, cherry! detention!" the teacher interrupted, picking up my destroyed chromebook.

adam groaned, and i rolled my eyes at him.