Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

4

I didn't bother to look back or respond to them, anyone that was going to stop me in what I wanted, I wasn't interested in. I was only interested on the demons that haunted my head daily, they were shouting at me and telling me that I should jump whilst I still had the chance.

I was almost frozen still, my breathing was steady, my eyes fixated on the waves crashing, my hands gripping tightly to the railings as if I was scared to die. I feel like thats a normal body reaction, no matter how much you want to die, your body will fight for you to survive against all odds.

"The sea looks so pretty tonight doesn't it?" The same voice spoke again.

Unsure of what I should do, I nodded slowly but slightly. I knew the person had stepped closer to me, their voice was a lot louder than before but still calm. I tried my best to get my hands to ungrip the railing but they wouldn't, they keep clingy on as if it was bad that I was going to die but the more time they gave me to think about it, the more my anxiety increased.

"Look at the sky, the sunrise is so stunning just like you." The person complimented.

I blushed but it was soon diminished by my demons telling me that it was just a ploy to get me to trust them. I looked slightly up towards where the sun was rising, it was calming to see such a beautiful sight.

I took a step forward, still holding onto the railings just incase I accidentally slipped. How ironic, I'm actually trying to save my own life but if I don't take it then it's a bitchy way to go out right?

"You know, I can remember the last time I came here. I was in a dark place and need some space, I tend to write my lyrics here." The person began to tell me as they stepped even closer, I could almost feel their breath on my neck.

I desperately wanted to turn around, my brain always wants to know every single detail about every situation. I have a photographic memory you see, so if I don't see it, I'll never remember it happened. I guess that's kind of useful in some situations but in others, such as my trauma it's not.

I took another step towards the edge this time my left hand let go of the railing, for some reason I finally felt brave enough to do exactly what I'd come here to do. By this point, tears were streaming down my face completely blocking my vision. One wrong step and I'd die and one wrong step and I'd be happy again.

The person behind me moved closer to me, I could sense her almost touching me but then just sent my demons into a complete rage. The conscious side of me wanted to run into their arms and beg them to take my sadness away but my demons knew what they wanted and they wanted me to join them and that meant jumping from this bridge.

"You know one day you will be living your best life, you'll be the happiest you've ever been and you'll look back on this night and be glad you never jumped. Maybe one day you'll be with
the people who care about you the most and when you tell them your story, they'll be so glad that you're alive. One day you'll be able tell your story and you'll let everyone know that they can get through things just like you did." The stranger kept going.

They distracted me so much by their angelic voice that I didn't notice that they'd climbed over the railing and were now stood next to me. I still stayed silent, I wasn't about to let this stranger watch me throw myself off a cliff as much as I don't care about them, I do at the same time.

I lifted my eyes off of the water and moved them onto the figure stood to my left, now figuring out it was a female stood by my eased my anxiety a little. I don't know why but I'm terrified of men, I'm absolutely terrified of them. Her green roots shone in the dark, along with black hair blowing in the wind, her eyes were blue like the ocean, her features were just perfect. I wish I could be as pretty as her but I could never.

"You'll be alright love, I can promise you that." She told me whilst looking directly into my eyes.

I looked deep into her eyes as she spoke to me, I saw the strong glimmer of hope rooted deep within. I will still frozen to the spot, I couldn't move, my body wouldn't let me. I trust this girl though, she seemed like she new what she was talking about. Maybe one upon time she was in a similar position to me, she did mention that she came here to think, maybe that's what she meant.

"I'm going to move infront of you ok? Keep your eyes on me." She said.

I just nodded slowly not talking my eyes off of her, I struggle with trust so this was a complete shock for me. I was genuinely trusting someone I'd never met in my entire life.

She moved her self around so that she was infront of me, my eyes were now at chest height which was a little awkward but I was too shocked to process what was going on, she had just put herself in danger to save me, did she really care that much about me.

"I'm going to move your leg back, if that's ok with you?" She said in a questioning tone.

I nodded, I was thankful that someone asked for consent to touch me because I wasn't used to that.  It calmed me down a little knowing I wasn't about to be kidnapped by this stranger. She seemed genuinely sweet but if anything, I know not to trust anyone.