TXT Oneshots (BxB)

I can't not love you [BeomJun]

|[ 2729 words ]|

Unavailable. That was something that Beomgyu thought when thinking about him. He was unavailable.

He thought maybe it was normal. Just a tired Thursday, just socially drained from all these classes and all these people and all these expectations. It's normal that not every day was an exciting day like the first one. After three years a kind of ordinary everyday life slowly emerged and it was clear that Beomgyu wouldn't always get the attention from Yeonjun he wanted.

But especially now where his mind told him that he wasn't important and the people around him only started talking with him when he opened his mouth first. Especially now where his parents were judging his clothes and his work and his life. He was tired. Tired of all his thoughts and words and movements. He wanted to be home in his bed, wanted to be away from all this.

Beomgyu thought about what he wanted almost every day. He wanted attention. He wanted to be talked to first. He wanted to be hugged from someone he loved, from someone he missed almost every day although he sees Yeonjun daily in school. He wanted to be the one Yeonjun smiled at, the one Yeonjun excitedly jolted back and forth because he wanted to tell him and only him something exciting. But he didn't do it.

Beomgyu usually wouldn't mind. But at this time he needed it. The availability of him. The attention of him. He wanted to be loved by him, cared for by him. He needed him. He needed his love and his careness. His hand holding his, his thumb caressing the back of his hand. The little smile of him, smiling at Beomgyu because he needed it. He wanted to laugh with Yeonjun. He wanted to feel happy and important.

Beomgyu wanted a reason to be. A reason to be loved. It wasn't much and though he couldn't ask for it, he still thought it would come from Yeonjun automatically. Maybe he would sense it. Maybe he would feel that something was off with Beomgyu, that he wasn't happy.

...............................................................

It was a normal Thursday where Beomgyu's parents were judging his clothes and made him feel ugly and embarrassed. Beomgyu knew that his clothes weren't bad or ugly but it still made him insecure and it slowly shattered his soul, little cracks paving it's way towards his heart, almost but not yet crushing his lively being.

Beomgyu was optimistic for today. He had a free period after his first break, having his free period at the same time as Yeonjun. He could be with him and it calmed his mind because he missed him. It would calm him down from all these thoughts and feelings.

Beomgyu walked out of the classroom and saw Yeonjun already standing in the hallway with Soobin. Soobin saw him first and made a weird grimace in his direction, looking at Beomgyu's outfit with an admirable look. Beomgyu walked over to them.

"Beomgyu! Nice Outfit." Soobin stated. Beomgyu smiled at him mildly.

"Thanks." He looked over to Yeonjun and saw that he wore a black crocheted hat. It was new.