Thoughts and Poems

What do you want to hear more than anything?

I want an apology. From my mother, from my best friend, from my dad, from my grandfather, from my grandmother. I don't let things go. I'll hold onto a wrong in my heart until it's made right. When it gets to be too heavy I let that person go. All I ask for is an acknowledgement of the hurt that you caused. Just an "I'm sorry." and I'll forgive and forget. But I'll never receive that from the people that owe it to me the most. I guess it's harder to apologize when you realize exactly how bad you've hurt other people. You continue to hurt everyone around you because stopping means that you acknowledge you're doing something wrong. Ignoring it to you, means that it never happened. You don't have to live with the lasting affects that your words and actions have on me and others. You could even resent me for letting you go without realizing it's better for both of us. The longer we hold onto our relationship -secretly knowing the harm it's causing yet hiding it with jokes and laughter- the more we grow to resent each other until it gets to be too much. The little cracks forming in the foundation of our relationship start to split until it crumbles under our feet leaving us with the pieces of ourselves and the decision of whether we want to pick them up and build our new foundations separate or together. Do our pieces fit anymore? We'll say things we don't mean using our words to inflict as much pain as possible because I'll want you to feel some of the hurt I've felt and it'll feel good to lash out but our words are forever engraved in each other's minds repeating over and over until we believe them. Is it really worth it to not apologize?