peace [bucky barnes]

2

"Come on, Eden, get it together."

Eden Williams let out a shaky breath, bringing a trembling hand against her mouth to wipe off the remnants of the contents of her stomach, the majority of which had ended up in the toilet. Her other white-knuckled hand gripped the sink so hard she felt like the porcelain would crush between her fingers, her only stability as she hunched over the running water, trying her best not to run to the stall once more.

She hadn't expected to spend her day at work throwing up into the toilet bowl, but a therapist's job was nothing if not surprising, and eventful. After being yelled at by one of the senior therapists, spilling coffee all over her newest client and her other client openly telling her she was shit at her job, her anxiety had reached its peak and her body decided enough was enough. All morning, she felt her nerves twisting and twisting, stomach churning wildly, the pressure building up until it reached her throat and she felt like she would choke. Thankfully her previous session had just finished, and she had just about enough time to see her client out before she sprinted down the corridor to the bathroom and burst open the door, tea and toast hurtling into the water before her body was fully inside the stall.

She felt completely exhausted as she held herself up against the counter, dragging her eyes to the mirror to see her dishevelled self staring back at her. Her blonde hair was limp and scraggly, falling past her shoulders in wavy tendrils, brown eyes ringed by dark circles and black mascara smudges while her whole face held a pasty sheen. Fighting the urge to grimace at herself, she pulled her hair back into a low bun, ignoring the feeling of strays sticking out all over her head, and gently rubbed the smudges around her eyes away, way past caring about how she looked at this point. She tugged her skirt down her legs, smoothed her blouse over, and straightened her back, practicing her best smile in the mirror, checking herself over as she did so.

Eden rolled her eyes and gave her twin a thumbs up before she made her way to the door, bracing herself with the handle clutched between her still shaking fingers, and plastered the practiced smile on her face as she swung it open. Her eyes squinted in the bright sunlight from the large windows opposite, hand reaching up to shield her as she turned left down the hallway toward the main reception area. With her fists clenched at her sides, she mentally coached herself through the anxiety, repeating reassuring mantras until she almost went dizzy, knowing the rest of the day was going to be a struggle for her.

"Hi babe!" Penny, the girl at the reception desk, squealed as Eden turned the corner and came into view, waving excitedly with a beaming smile on her face. In a building full of older, more experienced therapists, Eden and Penny were the only two people remotely the same age, and it meant a bond had grown between them in the few months that Eden had been working here. Eden smiled back, a genuine smile this time, nerves slightly calmed due to Penny's warming nature, and leaned her hip against the desk as a deep sigh rolled through her.

"That doesn't sound good, Ed," Penny's voice lowered, cocking her head to the side as a frown crossed her features. "Has anything happened?"

Eden glanced around the room quickly, where thankfully no clients were waiting and no therapists were hovering, and shook her head in response. "What hasn't happened, Pen."

"Oh no, babe! I'm sorry." Penny's mouth made an 'o' shape as she brought her hand to rest on Eden's, squeezing reassuringly.

"It's just been such a long day already. And it's only..." Eden trailed off as she glanced at the large marble clock hanging on the wall, jaw dropping as she saw the time. "One?! Jesus fucking Christ."

An elongated groan left her mouth as she brought her hands to her face, realising she had three more clients before she could go home. She loved her job, she really did, but on days like this all she wanted to do was go back to her apartment, crawl into bed with her cat and stay there until the world stopped treating her cruelly. Her anxiety made things more difficult for her a lot of the time; as smart and as qualified as she was, the intrusive, self-loathing, never-ending catastrophic thoughts that regularly popped into her brain never went away, regardless of how much professional training she had. With time she'd gotten better at ignoring them, and was well-versed in practicing kindness with herself, but on her bad days it was always a battle. She had realised a long time ago that her anxiety would be something she'd have to accept, a partner she'd have to dance with for the rest of her life and just hope that she could take the lead. It wasn't a big deal to her anymore; it was just the way it was, but that didn't mean it didn't still suck most of the time.