Y/N uses she/her pronouns in this book!! (I deeply apologize, I didn't think it though until after I wrote the first few chapters.)
"I don't hate you. I could never possibly hate you. I hate myself because I can't stop loving you." -Louis
"Just beca...
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liked by 𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲, liked by 𝐋𝐨𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞_ , liked by 𝐣𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜, liked by 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐲𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧, and 334k others..
𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲: you make my heart happier 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐲𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧: adorable 𝐲/𝐧.𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧_𝐟𝐚𝐧: I WANT THIS 𝐣𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜: I make your heart happier so 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝: you're so cute it's gross 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐢𝐬_𝐟𝐚𝐧: i miss Louis 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐫𝟏𝟐𝟑𝟔𝟕: what about Louis 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬_𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐤𝟏𝟐: she's so pretty 𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐨_𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝: guys she's not dating Louis anymore, it's been months get over it. 𝐧𝐨𝐚𝐡𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐩: fav couple fr 𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞𝐬_𝟏𝟐: she has a new bf every week 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐤: i miss you guys 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐦𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐢𝐧: EW UR TOO CUTE ____________________________________
"Y/N, you can't keep reading your comments. That's my first rule." Millie says grabbing my phone.
"I wasn't! Give it back." I say sitting up on my bed. Millie pulls away as i struggle to grab my phone.
"Then what we're you doing?" Millie crosses her arms.
"I might have been looking at the comments, but it doesn't matter. The rude stuff doesn't hurt me." I shrug.
"Yes it does." Millie says. I sigh.
"Fine." I throw myself back on my bed.
"How are things with Jaeden?" Millie says laying down next to me.
"Good.. I guess." I say and she looks at me.
"What's wrong?" Millie asks. Why does she have to know me so well? It's annoying at this point.
"I don't know.. I feel like something's missing. It's like.. I don't feel the same way I felt with Louis." I sigh.
"Well, you know what I'm gonna say. Don't you." Millie looks at me.
"Yep, you're gonna say that he was the love of my life and we're meant to be, and that I should give him another shot." I stand up.
"Why don't you though?" Millie pouts.
"Because.. I don't want to feel like I'm the second choice again. I don't want to feel like I'm not enough, Millie." I put on a hoodie that was laying on my desk chair.
"I get that. But maybe if you give him another chance.." Millie tries to convince me.
"I'm going to walk Toby." I say grabbing Toby's leash. I look down and he wags his tail.
"Ok, but just think about it.. please!!" She yells as I walk out.
Toby was my birthday gift from Jaeden. I've been looking for ways to break up with him but.. at the same time I don't want to. He makes me happy and he's nice, and he pays attention, and he always puts me first. I know I love him but i don't love him the way I loved Louis. Am I supposed to? Maybe it's a different kind of love. Maybe it's a healthy kind of love. That's why I'm not used to it.
***
𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄
She looks happy. They look happy. Y/N and Jaeden. I still think about the night that she decided to stay broken up with me. I think about it a lot. I think about it every night before bed actually.
𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤_____________________________
I knock on Y/N'a grandmother's door. I'm nervous. Someone opens the door. It's y/n. "Oh hey." I smile nervously.
"Hey." She smiles awkwardly. She steps out and shuts the door. "How are you, we haven't talked since.."
"Since the graveyard." I cut her off. She nods. "Good. I've been thinking a lot. And I've missed you..." I look at her. "I miss you."
"Louis.. it's not that easy." She looks down at her feet as we walk. "I'm not ready to be with you right now." She shrugs.
"I get that." I say shifting my gaze away from her.
"I mean, I love you. You were my first love. But it wasn't easy being with you." Y/n sighs.
"Yeah. I know. I kissed someone else, and I fucked up. But I was drunk, and I missed you. And it was only a one time thing." I say looking into her eyes.
"It wasn't just that Louis. It was the long distance. The not feeling loved, the not feeling like I was enough. The being second choice, that made it hard." She says with sadness in her eyes.
"Y/N, I promise you that if you give me another chance I won't fuck it up. I promise." I beg. We stopped walking.
"Louis.. I wish I could but I can't." She says not being able to look me in the eyes.
"Because you love Jaeden now. Right?" I whisper.
"Louis, it's not about him. This is about you and me." She says looking down.
"But it is about him." I say scoffing.
"You can't be mad at me Louis. You're the one who broke up with me, you're the one that wanted to be with someone else, you're the one who cheated, and your the one who can't make up his mind." She says with anger in her eyes.
"I don't want to lose you, Y/n." I say turning to look at something else, because I can't bare to look at her right now.
"Louis, I still want you in my life. That hasn't changed." She says putting her hand on my shoulder.
I look down at her and nod. "As long as I get to talk to you. That's enough." I shrug.
"Then lets hang out. As friends." She smiles and we keep walking."
____________________________________
I'm sure she's happy with Jaeden. And it's not all I'm worried about. I've been trying to move on too. I started hanging out with someone else. Her name's Lizzy. I met her last year on my senior year before I graduated.
"Louis. Lizzy's here." Millie walks into my room and then walks back out.
"Thanks?" I say putting my phone down. I put on a hoodie and some jeans before running down the stairs.
"Hey." She smiles and puts her phone down.
"Hey. Ready to go?" I say stopping in front of her.
"Always." She stands up and tries to put her hand in mine. I quickly move my hand and open the door for her.
She's nice.. and she's really pretty. But she isn't Y/N.
