Wolves and Sheep

The First Day

I woke up in a daze, my body physically awake but my mind still at the top of the barn. 'Runaway Ruthless Ruby', the pitiful attempt at elementary alliteration circled in my head. It was laughable but looking at myself in the mirror, toothbrush in hand, I wondered why I wasn't laughing.

I caught Sam's eye as I stood by the car door waiting for mother to finish fumbling and find her keys. He gave me a nod, his big brown boots resting on the planted metal shovel and smiled his knowing smile. I could have stared longer, maybe played with my hair if mother hadn't rushed out the house, Emmy on her hip and car keys wedged between her lips. I swung open the door and got in but by the time I looked up, Sam had gone.

' why does she have to come?' I asked while we slithered across the long barren road which connected our farm to civilisation.

'She likes the fresh air' Emmy cooed in agreement, her smile ever beaming.

'What fresh air, this whole town stinks of...' I got a smack on the arm. My mother looked back at Emmy as if her eyes would have melted at even the notion of a bad word.

'I know you're nervous but you'll do great, Ashley said she couldn't wait to see you the other day. Your old best friend, isn't that nice, she's waited, plenty wouldn't, it'll be like old times'. She carried on with a speech that lasted the rest of the journey and I showed I hadn't fallen asleep by occasionally grunting in agreement.

She pulled up outside the home of my misfortune, the place where it all began. School. I got out, slamming the useless death trap behind me. Before I could rush off like we both knew I would she called out 'maybe we can all try and find some normality now'. She waited for a reply and after realising there wouldn't be one, she slithered away, carrying her little beaming monster with her.

I felt a grip from behind and turning around couldn't help but smile and then hug Ashley. I rested my head in the dip in her shoulder and we cried from a cocktail of excitement and longing, a bit more than we both expected. Those days in boarding school when I felt so alone I would write to her, tell her all about my problems and the things that were going on and wait until I got one back where she would reassure me and promise she was desperately waiting for my release.

'I can't believe it!' She squealed and we hugged again. 'Obviously you have to tell me everything that's gone on'.

'Umm well I got home and now I'm here. Nothing much really, you're the one whose been living here, you fill me in. What am I in for?' I was nervous but excited to get back into my old ways, I knew there would be a few questioning looks but as soon as my mind started to wander Ashely laced her fingers with mine.

'C'mon' she said, her fiery red hair bouncing off her shoulders, some lengths in her eyes though she didn't seem to mind. I felt a tug and she pulled me into school.

A few questioning looks, I soon realised, was an understatement; any hope of people forgetting what had happened vanished as soon as my old science teacher caught me digging through the ancient contents of my old locker. I was just in the middle of separating the useful and the useless when she crept up behind me.

'Well hello you' Ms. Stewart said through a well meaning fake smile.

'Oh wow, Ms. Stewart hi!' Ashely had gone into the toilets and it was the first time I had been alone all day, the corridor was virtually empty, we were practically alone.

'Since when are you back?'

'Yesterday, yeah I got back from boarding school...' I felt like people had made it a habit to cut me off recently.

'And the head knows you're back?'

'Yeah'

'Hmm, well it's good to see you' her eyes pierced into me, searching for answers or waiting for me to burst into flames, I couldn't tell. 'I'm surprised they've let you back in the halls' she cackled ' I mean are you well now? That might not be the right thing to say, these days one needs to be politically correct and all, but it needs to be asked'.

I stood frozen with, in hindsight, a puzzled look on my face. She stood above me, staring intently. I didn't know how to reply, 'am I well?' I asked.

'I mean for God sakes do we need to warn the other children about you? I would hate for one of them to trigger you or something, we know what happened to the last one who did' she cackled again, and abruptly stopped when we both realised Ashley had rejoined us. Escaped hair covering half her face again she stood like a silent angel managing to make me feel safe and Ms. Stewart uncomfortable at the same time.

'Have a nice day girls' Ms. Stewart waddled away looking back at us before disappearing round the corner.

'I do hate my mum' Ashley said as soon as she was out of earshot. I didn't say a word but from the look on my face, it was obvious I agreed. Ms. Stewart was a nasty piece of work, the worst teacher I and ever met and the second most annoying mother.

I tried to get my mind off of her, walking with Ashley to our next lesson. Maths. It was always a subject I had struggled on, like most teenagers my age and not having Ashley sit near me in the lessons made it harder to make this fact less obvious. I sat at my desk, looking around the dull classroom. Any time I felt lonely in boarding school I would transport myself back to this horrid school, just because it less horrid than the one I had been locked up in. I would recall every face, like the girl in front of me who used to always be chewing something. Every detail in the classrooms of my favourite lessons, the ever leaning stack of textbooks at the back of the history classroom that would no doubt either hold until the end of time or one day kill an unassuming child.

I soon realised, using my abundant common sense, that things changed since I left; time however slowly, dragged on, even in this decrepit corner of the Earth. The girl who chewed had bleached her hair into oblivion and after having a wander around, I saw the tower of textbooks had found a new home on old shelves.

One thing I could be reassured hadn't changed was how people in slow lonely towns hung on to gossip like a baby at its mother's teat. They loved it, something to distract them from their boring lives and for now, and the foreseeable future, that gossip was me. The return of 'Runaway Ruthless Ruby'.

Before I could think it in my mind I heard someone say it. Silence as I turned around to scope out the brave culprit but after a while I realised all I saw was giggling faces. It wasn't just their old school parents, small town syndrome had infected the young generation too. I was a walking joke.

The name again, and more laughter. It was a boy's whisper but not the one I had heard before. The next voice I heard was the teacher's - 'quiet please!'. There was silence again and as my mind drifted back to the other night I realised how tired I was from lack of sleep. The eagerness I once had to come back to my old routine had now faded and all I wanted to do was disappear, or die.