The Recording I left Behind- (lady gaga)

𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞

Should I send her a message?
No! Of course not, what am I thinking of? She probably doesn't even have the same phone number anymore.
That's what I used to spend my days thinking about.
I was going crazy, why would I want to contact my ex? I wasn't even drunk to do such a thing!

But how badly I missed her...

Following her on Twitter wouldn't be so bad, she wouldn't even see it, so I thought it would be fine.
I followed her, sent her a message and came back to my life.
Days passed, weeks passed, she had many followers, she was like the queen of Twitter that time.
Her fans probably used to send her a lot of messages so it would be impossible for her to see mine.

But well, I was wrong.

__

Hey Stefani, it's Johanna. Remember me?

Hello?

Hey, sorry for texting you.
Just wanted to know how you are

Never have been better, how about you?

I'm good.
Congrats for your success

Thank you
_

I didn't know if I should say anything more, I almost had an heart attack by texting her.
She sounded so cold and sarcastic, it was even embarrassing for me.
I was thinking about stopping the conversation there until a new message arrived, making my phone vibrate.

__

Look, I'm sorry for what happened

It's things from the past Stef
We were young

You're saying that as if we were 40 already

It was 4 years ago

It's not even a lot..

Whatever, people change in 4 years

I didn't change much though

You look so different in many ways..

But some things never change

Of course, I'm not a totally different person too
That's not what I'm saying

Please tell me you didn't change my favorite things about you

What do u mean Stefani??

I'm so sorry
I fucking miss you
__

That message...That message broke my heart.
I missed her so much, I wanted her back but she broke me.
Many people would do anything to be with her and I could just tell her I want it back anytime, I was wasting an opportunity.
We could start all over again but it would make me weak, coming back to a person who hurt you so bad in the past.
__

Stef...

I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be talking to you

I texted you first. We're fine..

No we're not, Johanna

Stefani, it was fucking four years ago.
I got over it!

But I didn't
I still miss you, I miss your smile

Stefani, are you drunk?

Wtf
No I'm not.
Is it so bad that I want you back?

Yes it fucking is.

Did you listen to my songs at least?

Just one or two

Did you miss me too?
Be honest

This is starting to get awkward.
But if you want me to be honest, yes I did.
And I still do. I miss you everyday
But I miss how we were, not how we ended up

Please, give me another chance
I won't do it again

Are you that desperate?

Can you stop offending me and take this seriously please?

Why are you acting like I need to react very sweet when you literally cheated on me?

Didn't you say you got over it already?

Fuck you.
You don't know how it feels to love someone and finding her with the guy you always trusted her with

Okay listen
Let's talk face to face, please
We won't solve anything by text

Oh pls...

I'm not kidding.
Saturday 7pm in my apartment , I'll sent you the address later

????

Please... We really need to talk
Do this for me, it's the only thing I'm asking for

Fine, Stefani..

__

I hope she understood I was mad at her.
I don't want to look stupid or make her feel like she can get me back whenever she wants to.
I shouldn't even allow this to happen but I missed her so bad that I couldn't say no. She seemed sorry about it too but I had no clue if I should trust her anymore.
That all just happened too fast.