the bonus book | ✓

drunk & names (2)

“Come on, join me in the bed. It’s your bed, after all.”

If she keeps insisting and I start thinking with my male organs instead of my brain, I might.

But that is not going to happen. I wonder if she will remember any of this. If she does, just how embarrassed she would feel?

“Someday I really will join you,” I mutter under my breath. Some day.

I shake my head. I know that’s not possible.

“The bed is all yours. Enjoy,” I say and then open my closet door which leads to my computer room.

She says something and the only words I can hear is Narnia.

I close the door and lean against it. Then I take a deep breath.

Gwen Bradbury is clearly not who I thought she was.

Does that make me dislike her? Does that slow down my heart? Does that make me regret looking for her all this time?

Quite the opposite. It feels like she is pulling me towards her with all the strength in the universe and the only thing I can do is let go and fall, fall and fall.

Will she save me when I fall? Will she fall with me?

I may never know.

*****

It’s probably three in the morning. I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve been trying for the past few hours. The party died long ago. The night is quiet.

There are two walls separating me from Gwen Bradbury who is sleeping in my bed right now.

Never have I ever thought I would be in this situation.

I toss and turn in my bed. It is of no use. I usually never sleep in this room. It’s only for me to keep my robots and computers. The bed is just here so I can crash on it in case I feel too lazy to cross the closet and go to my bedroom.

I am not used to sleeping here. But that’s not the reason why I can’t sleep.

Come on. Join me in the bed. It’s your bed after all.

What she would have done if I had said yes, if I had joined her.

I shake my head. I hope she doesn’t remember anything. That way everything will be easy. I don’t have to deal with my unstable heart anymore, which won’t stop beating too hard every time I think about her sleeping right in my bed.

I hear something fall. I sit up immediately. Did she fall down on the floor?

Should I go out and check?

I lie down again. She probably didn’t fall down. It’s something else. I can’t go out and check. She is sleeping and she should have privacy.

But what if she actually fell down on the floor?

I pull my hair. Okay, I will just open the door and check and come back. It will take two seconds.

I slowly walk towards the other room and open the door. It’s dark so I can’t see much. I see a pillow on the floor. She probably pushed it.

Time to go back.

But I keep standing there.

She moves around and kicks the cover, turning. I see her face with the little moonlight that is in my room. Her hair is all over my pillow.

It should be illegal to look this beautiful. Who allowed her to make me feel like I am going to lose control and might actually join her? No, not to do anything else. Just for the sake of holding her and hugging her tight.