Androgyny

September 2019

Good news! Mum changed my name in school to Ray! Finally I can live as myself and people in school will call me by my name! I start year 9 today, i have been dreading the end of the summer holidays as it means the end of sleeping in and hanging out at the park with my friends Amber and Tara.

I text to the group chat:
Ray: "Mum let me change my name on the register"
Amber: "omg so cool wish I could lol"
Tara: "you sure u won't be bullied?"

That hadn't occurred to me before, my stomach dropped and my heart pounded

Amber: "if anyone misgenders you I will drop kick them into the sun"
Tara: "lol"
Ray: "haha"

I had to start walking now. I closed the door behind and I stepped out into the classic British morning: grey and cloudy. I strolled to the meeting spot by the bollards by st. Joan's road, I can see Amber approaching - Tara is late as usual. We make it into school just as the bell rings.

I sit down in form - I'm sat next to Tom Daley and the window. Tom is an absolute idiot. When Tara came out as a lesbian he kept making all of these rude remarks about her.
"Such a waste"
"Gross Little d***"
"I could turn you straight."
You know, the average homophobic stuff.

"Aaron!"
"Yes sir!"
"Daniel!"
"Yes sir!"
"Tara!"
"Yes sir!"
My heart was pounding harder,
"Trudy!"
"Yes sir!"
And harder,
"Eric!"
"Yes sir!"
And harder,
"Alex!"
"Yes sir!"
And har...
"Ray!"
"Yes sir." I mumbled,

I could hear gasps around the classroom, I felt everyone's eyes on me like a gorilla in a zoo. I wanted to disappear.