The Assassin's Weakness✔️

43. Home

Picturing myself as the punching bag helps me keep my stamina.

Whore! Slut! Liar! Cheater! Bad Mom!

"I hate you!" I say as I punch into the bag, I feel his arms wrap around my shoulders and chest.

"Let's take a breath." He sits me down, his arms still around me "Without lying to me, what is going on?" I take a few breaths, I feel the tears stream from my face

"I hate myself," I mutter hoping he will not hear.

"Why?"

"I hurt you, I should have never done that, like I have a good thing going for me and I fuck it up, I always fuck up the good things in my life." I wipe my tears away before hitting my temples with my wrists "I hate you" repeatedly before I feel him grab ahold of my wrists

"Breath." He says as he takes off my gloves. "Let's get you in some warm water." He picks me up and carries me into the bathroom. Setting me on the toilet he prepares the bath for me.

Why is forgiving yourself the hardest part? I forgave Chris, Kai forgave me, Greta forgave me, my dad forgave me but I can not seem to forgive myself.

"I will turn around until you are in the water." He announces as he stands up from the bath.

"Okay." My voice sounds nothing like the loud, confident girl I fooled everyone into loving. "I'm in." He sits on the floor near the bath

"Did you relapse before getting back on your medication?" A hum, I can not articulate the words "What was the trigger today?"

"Chris." Soft, weak and insecure.

"Did he do something?" I shake my head. "What did he say?"

"Nothing much."

"Okay. Do you want to sit in silence?" I shake my head. "Conversation takes two but storytelling only needs one." His stories are always short

"He asked why I am mad at him because he didn't make me cheat, which is true, I ruined us and his face reminds me of that night." He holds my hand caressing it

"You need to let go of your guilt. You made a mistake, I forgave you, forgive yourself, Kitten."

"Why don't you hate me?"

"I can't hate you, I tried, I can't. Did you hate me?"

"I tried, it's hard hating you." He gets on his knees and caresses my face

"If you could forgive me, I can forgive you. Why don't you take a break from school, I will call Dr Seriti and ask her for a letter."

"I can't give up..."

"It's not giving up, you are taking care of your most valuable possession. Come on, let's get you dry." He stands and holds a towel for me but turns to face the wall.

"Thank you." He lifts me into his hands and sets me on the bed

"I need to call someone, be right back." Putting on a shirt of his after I applied lotion to my skin feels good, nostalgic even. A bath always elevates my mood and his scent reminds me of him and all I associate with him. As I walk out of my room to go see Khanyi, I hear his voice

"I don't know what to do, it's worse this time around... I don't want to lose her again... I will try... She is still on her pills... Yeah, okay... Enjoy the rest of your day, see you tomorrow."

"Who was that?"

"Your dad."

"You told him?"

"Yeah, he knows how to make you better."

"I know what to do, it won't work in a few minutes, it takes a few days." He nods as he stands leaning on the wall

"Okay. What do you want me to do?"

"Be here." I move closer to him, I feel his arms wrap around my waist "That's all I need from you." He nods before staring into my eyes, he rests his forehead on mine.

"I'm here, for as long as you want me here." I lean into his lips and join our lips, for a moment I can focus on him until he pulls away "I don't think..."

"I want this, just as much as you do." He still looks hesitant "It's okay." I caress his cheek, he softens into my hand "Do you want this?"

"Of course, I do but..."

"Then no buts." I join our lips, we should probably not be doing this but I am truly enjoying this, enjoying how good his touch feels on my body, enjoying how a kiss can make me forget all my mind seemed to focus on.

"Jump." He mumbles into my mouth, I jump and he catches me and wraps my legs around his waist, my fingers move to his hair, kissing him with his beard feels different, a good different, his hand makes its way into his shirt, he opens my bedroom door while I close it. He lays me on the bed we first made love on, he hovers above me

"You look beautiful." He whispers as he stares at my face

"Thank you."

"I mean it, you are perfect." He plants kisses along my collarbone, making sure to leave some hickeys.