onion ring

one day radagon was watching family guy and he was eating onion rings. "hi lois." said the family guy. radagon was laughing so hard for no reason. the dude was straight up losing his shit. he was so distracted by the sexiness of peter griffin that he failed to notice the whereabouts of his sacred and holy wedding ring. "oh fooey. i was eating so many onion rings, that i failed to see where my bloody wedding ring went!" he said as he searched through his bag of microwavable onion rings that he did not microwave and instead ate frozen with freezer burn. he panickly looked on the floor in front of him, in between his toes, in his coffee cup, in his hair, in the giant gaping hole in his chest, but it was nowhere to be found. "could it be?" he thought as he looked at the couch. "could my ring have fallen into the lands between the couch cushions?" he put down his bag of onion rings and looked at the couch. "it will be a difficult journey, but, i shall find my wedding ring, to mend my marriage." he said as he stuck his arm in the lands between the couch cushions and felt around for it.

suddenly the door opened and a familiar voice called for him. "honey i'm home!" said rennala the full moon queen and also radagon's mommy milf waifu. "oh no! my mommy milf waifu is home and i still haven't found my wedding ring!!" he quickly got out of the couch cushions to greet his wife. he also turned off the television because his wife hates family guy and has threatened to divorce him in the past because of his deep love for peter griffin. he then thought of a gigachad big brain solution to his missing ring problem. "ah, hello my lovely wife, what brings thy here? hahaha..." he said awkwardly. rennala is not stupid, she is very sus of him, she has been playing too much among us. "this house belongs to us... of course i would be here! would you, my lovely radagon, be so kind and husbandly and give me a hand with the groceries?" she asked, suspicious of her husband. "haha, absolutely, my lovely wife, haha..." he said and put his left hand behind his back and aided his wife in her side quest.

he helped bring in some groceries but there was a really big melon that he could not lift or carry with one hand. "you must two hand the melon, my dear, or you will drop it." she said. "time for two handing." he took out his other hand from behind his back revealing his missing wedding ring. suddenly the atmosphere went silent and tense. "honey... why is there an onion ring on thy finger where thine wedding ring should be?!" she asked. "i... uh..." he started. "i will never tell her i was watching family guy! she hates that show! and she hates it when i watch it! she will never know!!" he thought to himself. "i was just... well... just getting my wedding ring cleaned! hahaha! the metal was getting tarnished so i sent it to the cleaners to make it clean and shiny to match thine! the onion ring is only there to deter maidens from hitting on a married man! hahahaha! hahaha! ha..." and that was radagon's excuse. seconds passed and tension filled the air. "oh, very well, my ring is very shiny. much shiner and cleaner than yours ever was. thank you for caring so much about our marriage! mwah!" she kissed him on the cheek. his marriage wasn't going to be destroyed in this moment! victory is radagon's! but this still poses a problem. his wedding ring isn't going to be at the cleaner's forever. he must find his ring and quick!

radagon took out his iphone 4 which he uses exclusively for mobile gaming. he stumbled through the various apps on his phone to try to get to his contacts. it was very disorganized, but he likes it that way. after getting distracted and playing subway surfers (he got a pb run!!!), he finally made it to his contacts. "ah, i shall call my nearest friend to delve into the lands between the couch cushions and find my wedding ring." he said as he scrolled to his contact that said "tarnished one".

and thus began the tarnished one's journey to find radagon's wedding ring.

to be continued...