wires, steve harrington

scary love.

he shook his head. "no, no, there for a while i think she genuinely hated me."

"you think that?" dustin scoffed. "is that why you started dating nancy? or any of those other girls you wasted time with?"

steve let this idea sink in for a moment. he hadn't ever really stopped to wonder why he had dated nancy if he'd liked meadow so desperately. "i mean.. i guess she didn't like me, right. and so i decided that i should move on. and i did, i really did love nancy. and i just wasn't.. i wasn't enough for her."

"so you dated nancy despite liking meadow, just like she dated you despite liking jonathan." dustin clarified. "which is why when she broke up with you, she went to jonathan and you started becoming closer to meadow."

he nodded. "i mean.. yeah. yeah, i guess. and so nancy and i never wished anything.. bad for the other. we just weren't meant to be, but it got us to the relationships we both wanted."

dustin thought about this for a moment. "okay, yeah. yeah, so then you and meadow got together because of all that."

"yeah." steve looked at the ceiling somewhat blankly. "i guess i just never understood.. what made her change her mind, you know? why she stopped hating me."

"steve, i don't think she ever hated you." her brother said.

"what?"

dustin gave him another look. "steve, do you have to be told everything? she has liked you for years. but she's too.. she's too afraid of accepting her feelings. she was scared that you would hurt her, so she pushed you away. she convinced herself that she hated you because it was easier than loving you, easier than it was to see you be with nancy."

steve let this sink in. "wait, wait, wait. so she.. you think she liked me the whole time?"

"yes!" he replied, exasperated.

"but everyone knew i liked her, i thought. in middle school at least. i mean, i wasn't subtle about it."

dustin shook his head. "yeah, but she thought it was a joke. she was so afraid of getting hurt by you, she just didn't want to admit it."

the older boy frowned. "so then what do you think made her change her mind?"

"i think it was seeing you change." he replied. "you kind of.. you were a douche. yeah, you were. and i think she knew deep down that you could.. stop being one. but when she got to watch you break your walls down, that's when she realized that the line between love and hate was so thin that she'd mistaken it."

steve's jaw dropped slightly. "dude, that was like.. really poetic."

"yeah?"

"yeah, that was like.. philosophical shit, dude."

people wouldn't ever believe it, but the two had never slept together before. dustin found this hard to believe, since he'd once walked in on them making out on her bed ("dustin!! get out, dude!!" steve had yelled, to which dustin began screaming, shielding his eyes as if the two had been partaking in an act much more risqué than just kissing).

but after being with nancy, who he had slept with quite early on, in his opinion, and having other relationships that seemed meaningless for anything other than sex, steve was not interested in rushing things with meadow. he knew that if the time ever felt appropriate, they could discuss it. but if he planned to spend the rest of his life with the girl, he figured.. why rush? why not wait until the moment was right, until everything was perfect?

and the last person he expected to be explaining this to was her brother, who was somehow mature enough to understand completely (despite making occasional gags at the mere idea of it). "yeah, i mean.. you want it to be meaningful, since it wasn't meaningful for you before. i get that."