Their Fireheart

Chapter Nineteen

Now I did furrow my brow. "You did no such thing," I argued, voice ringing with indignation.

I couldn't even process his ludicrous first statement, I was far too fixated on him thinking he'd done anything wrong.

He hadn't failed me, couldn't fail me. Only one of us on this roof is capable of failing the other, and it certainly wasn't him.

"I did fail you." The warmth of his hand was in sharp contrast to the cool air as he clamped it on my shoulder. His emerald eyes bore into mine, the pain they held piercing. "Not tonight, but I failed you, for far too long."

His body was a massive, solid force of nature above mine, but his eyes - his eyes nearly broke me. They gleamed with sorrow, regret, misery, and most of all - unfaltering, infallible love.

"I failed you in ignoring what I knew was between us for so long. Even in Mistward, I knew there was something there. Something powerful, something life-altering. But I ignored it, because I didn't think I could have you." His fingers spasmed on my shoulder, as though even the memory was enough to send him into a fit of rage. "I even allowed you to talk about other males, about my own gods-damned comrades - as if the thought of any other male touching you didn't make me feel like I was being eaten alive from the inside out."

A flash of our time at Mistward resurfaced, of teasing Rowan about which of his cadre were the handsomest, trying to distract him from the horrors of his past by asking if any of them would be interested in me.

And the way Rowan's eyes had shuttered, so subtly that I hadn't caught it at the time.

"I allowed it, allowed you to think I didn't care for you, knowing that any of them would be gagging for it, for you. That any male with half a brain would drop to his knees for you without hesitation. Except for me, because I fucking couldn't," He admitted bitterly.

His familiar pine-and-snow scent wrapped around me, and I was utterly lost in it, in him. Hypnotized in the way he laid himself bare, offered these truths to me.

My beautiful, powerful, warrior-mate. Prostrating himself at my feet, leaving himself at my mercy.

"I couldn't, and so I pushed you away. I was cruel. I was needlessly hateful. I did everything I could to prove to you that you couldn't rely on me, that you couldn't rely on anyone but yourself." His voice was hoarse, his eyes were wide and pleading, begging me for forgiveness that I'd already granted a thousand times over. "I made you believe it. I made you believe it so well that at the first opportunity, you left me behind. Twice."

My heart broke for an entirely different reason. "Rowan -" I whispered.

His eyes snapped open, flashing with a fury I knew wasn't directed at anyone other than himself.

"I suppose I was only reaping what I sowed, and I would accept any form of repentance you demanded. But tonight tested my control in ways I was not prepared for. Dealing with two males tonight, males who I served alongside for centuries, who were the closest thing I had to brothers - they want you. Desperately. And they actually thought they could have you. Thought they could take you from me," he spat, venom coating every word.

His other hand came up, firmly grasping me by both shoulders. One callused finger traced a delicate path over my collarbone, emerald eyes boring into mine. He stepped closer; the heat of his body nearly overwhelming as an answering heat bloomed in my core.

What it said about me that I found the animalistic rage pouring from him enticing, I did not care. Not right now.

Plenty of time to dissect that later.