What Now? (A Young Royals fanfic) [unfinished]

anxiety

Wilhelm's pov:
There was a figure in front of him. A figure Wilhelm recognized. Their bodies had once known each other very well, like they had been made for each other, clicking together as puzzle pieces would. But that was all gone now, only memories for the two of them to share separately.

He tried to reach out to embrace the figure, but he couldn't move. He was rooted in place. Not a single twitch. He stood helplessly as the boy he loved kissed a faceless figure, right there in front of him. No matter how hard he focused he couldn't tell who the other person was.

Simon turned to face him. "We could've been so happy together Wille, but of course you had to ruin it. Like you ruin everything. Why did you deny it was you? Why? Why? Why?." He kept saying that, over and over.

After some time his mother stood beside Simon. "You're a disgrace to the royal family. It should've been you instead of Erik. Disappointment." She kept repeating those words over and over again, along with Simon saying his hurtful words.

Erik was the last one. He stood on the other side of Simon. "Wille, I can't believe you're going to be King. They couldn't have made someone else King? You're not capable. I can't believe my legacy is going to be wasted on YOU. Irresponsible, disgraceful you."

The three of them kept chanting until Wilhelm thought his head would explode. He tried to cover his ears, but he still couldn't move. More faces joined around him, telling him what a disappointment he was. What a failure. How he was better off dead.

He was trapped. Drowning. Suffocating. There was no way out of this hell.

He felt something tug at his body, telling him to wake up. His eyes flew open as he look at the source. It was Malin, his main bodyguard.

"I'm terribly sorry Prince Wilhelm but I was about to switch with Harold and I couldn't help but overhear you crying so I just wanted to check on you. My apologies."

Wilhelm looked at his pillow and there was evidence indeed that he had been crying in his sleep. "No no, thank you Malin. I guess I was just having a bad dream is all." He ran a hand through his hair and awkwardly chuckled. Could this be any more embarrassing? "Also please, just call me Wilhelm."

"You know I will not call you by just your name, Your Majesty. And I do advise you to try to go back to sleep seeming as you have a long day tomorrow. Harold will be here in a few minutes."

"Okay, thank you again. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Prince Wilhelm."

She exited his room, leaving just him and his thoughts. He had to keep reminding himself that it was just a dream, and that none of that happened. His anxiety had been worsening lately, leading to more and more nightmares. Some were about Erik's death, some about him failing as King, but most were about the scandal and Simon. But he couldn't tell anyone about his anxiety growing by the day, he didn't HAVE anyone to tell. And even if he did, his feelings would be dismissed, only ruled as "teenage hormones".

Suddenly, Wilhelm remembered something him and Erik would do whenever he had nightmares as a small child and got scared. He got out bed and peaked into the hallway. Harold wasn't here yet. Good. He quietly crept into the kitchen and got out graham crackers and icing and made little sandwiches with them. They were his favorite snack as a child and whenever he had nightmares Erik would take him into the kitchen, make some for them to share, and then they would talk about what was troubling him that night. He knew it was silly to be doing this right now, but he felt a sense of comfort in it. He could almost feel Erik's presence next to him.

After he finished the snacks and cleaned up, he felt better. He creeped back into his room and quietly shut the door, and barely even two minute after he returned he heard Harold shuffle into his position outside his door.

•••

Morning came faster than expected. The alarm clock on Wilhelm's bedside table sounded one, two, three times until he reluctantly turned it off. 7:45 sharp.

He slumped out of bed, greeted Harold, who would be swapping with Malin in a bit, and went to the kitchen. His mother and father were already up and at the table. He grabbed a bagel and sat down at the table. His father glanced at him from above his daily newspaper.

"God morgon, Wilhelm."

"God morgon, Pappa. You too Mamma."

His mother nodded her head in response. This is usually how they always started their mornings. His parents would talk about the meetings of the day or recent news, and Wilhelm would silently listen or scroll mindlessly through his phone. Today's topic of discussion was the Gala later that evening. Luckily he had gone back to sleep after his little trip to the kitchen, so his dark circles weren't as noticeable.

The day of the Christmas Eve Gala always meant being ushered around all day, being dressed up like a little dolly, and keeping your mouth shut. He was used to all this by now, but it was always so boringggggg. He never looked forward to it.

After breakfast Wilhelm returned to his room to work on some homework his teachers had assigned over break. There was a word that he didn't know on one of the papers. He reached out for his phone to text and ask Simon as he usually would when he didn't know a word, but he stopped at the last second. Oh, right, He reminded himself.

Most people didn't know this, but Simon had this fascination with words. If you asked him what a word meant, he would almost always know. He didn't know how he did it, but in Wilhelm's eyes it was like a superpower. He found this information out during a late night talk before the whole incident happened. Now he realized that he never got the chance to brag to people about how smart the boy he loves is.

Wille, FOCUS! he reminded himself. There's no use in dawdling on the past.

•••

About two hours later he was told to start getting ready for the Gala. He was handed a crisp navy blue suit, red tie, and white shirt to change into for the annual Royal Family Christmas Eve pictures taken before and during the Gala. Stylists came in and styled his hair, making sure not a single strand of hair was out of place.

He made his way into the living room where his parents were already stationed in front of the elegant Christmas tree. He went and took his position by his parents and the photographers snapped a few photos. They got his mother's approval of the pictures before moving on to photograph different Christmas décor.

His family was soon escorted to the ballroom, where the Gala would be held. There were tables spread all around the sides of the room for the guests to sit and eat at. The middle of the space was to be used to dance, traditionally of course.

The guests started flooding in not too long after. There were many people he didn't recognize, some he did, but one particular person stood out to him: August. Did he seriously have the nerve to show up after what all he did? August had a smug smile on while shaking his parents' and his hands, and oh how Wilhelm wished he could slap that smirk off his face. But he didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the Gala, so he kept his composure and politely shook his cousin's hand.

The night passed by in a flurry of people he barely recognized talking to him. When the dinner was served, there was a random person in the seat that was usually Erik's. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom so he didn't cry in front of everyone.

After the last slightly drunken guest had left, Wilhelm made his way up to his room. He slipped out of his suit and into lounging clothes. He opened up his phone and there was one new message. From Simon.

•••

A/N: Ah i'm so sorry to leave this on a cliffhanger!! But i had to end this chapter somewhere. Also i hit a bit outta hand with this chapter so sorry it's longer than usual!!

word count: 1,448