Open Wounds On The Heart- a book of poems.

I'm falling in love with you but I don't want to

 I've only known you since the first day of freshman year.

Feelings were known and a friendship blossomed.

You became the person I relied on,

the person I trusted the most.

You always found a way to make my heart soar over the clouds and through the sky.

But I repressed those feelings of love and longing so we could stay friends.

Then time flew by and you fell in love,

With someone else.

I put on a pretty smile and grinned through the pain as I watched you walk with them,

Hand in hand.

It was at that moment that I learned that I never deserved your love,

I don't even think I deserve your friendship.

So I was content to be your shoulder to cry on when your relationship crumbled.

I was content with the small acts of affection you gave me.

I was content with the way you looked at me,

Not with love but something else.

Even though I was and still am content with being your friend, I always wanted more.

I would dream of you holding my hand and looking at me like you used to look at her.

I wanted to hug you for longer than a few seconds without it being weird between us.

I dream that I would have the courage to look you in the eyes and tell you how much I care about you.

I dream of that moment we had, where your hand brushed mine in the hallway when we got a little too close.

I know I'm falling in love with you, but I don't want to.

I want to keep the friendship and keep my heart safe.

But my heart and mind are in constant war about you.

My heart wants me to be happy and take the risk, but my mind screams at me to be reasonable.

I don't want to be in love with you, but I know I am.

You make me want to scream out of joy and cry tears of gold.

I'm always willing to talk to you whenever you need to.

Falling in love with you was easy, but it was watching you love so countless other people.

Other than me.

Everyone else was easier to love, but you never even spared my love a second glimpse.

I'm falling in love with you, but don't want to love you.