The Great History

17 - La Mezza Storia

_ Dealing with time is the worst thing about living, I don't know if you remember - Duhghtér seemed to reflect aloud - it passes quickly when we need it and slowly when we want it to run. And worst of all, it doesn't come back or allow corrections. It's all in the force of the moment.

_ It's almost an invitation to do shit, isn't it?

_ And as it is an invitation for everyone, the best thing is to exercise forgiveness so we don't have to make use of patience...

_ The advantage of infinity is to allow these things to be drawn in people's souls.

_ Or are they designed for our souls, as is the case now... Because on Earth, only the desires are infinite, never the means to fulfill them.

_ Which, if we stop to think about it, is a blessing! Believe me, there are horrible cravings roaming around, around everyone.

_ That's true. How are you?

_ I'm fine, lady soldier. And with a wonderful impression that everything can even get better.

_You always had these powers, so it is very likely that it will happen. Shall we go to the creek, look at our feet?

_ Let's go, I love to wet them, because in this world they are perfect.

_ Wow, that's right. You can sell a pack of feet to the angels!

_ I don't know if this market exists around here, you silly. But just in case, in the next life I want to have bigger feet, and be more careful with stingrays.And talking pleasantries, the two headed to the stream, to their favorite rock.

_ Today everything is so beautiful, isn't it? Even this scent of sandalwood, which seems to come from these clear waters that are running cool over these brown stones, collaborates. I don't know, the truth is that I'm very happy!

_ So I'm happy too, lady soldier. I think we should even hug, because maybe your joy will mix with my peace, and fill us both with happiness. They did so, as if it were two children, and the pale hue of the sky did indeed become brighter.

_ I love poets, you know? I myself dare in these arts, you - who are splendid in them - know it well and my imaginary friend, also unlike me, is equally talented. But then, sometimes they make mistakes.

_ I even know what and who you are talking about. "If you want to feel the happiness of loving, forget about your soul. It is the soul that ruins love.

_ "Only in God can she find satisfaction. Not in another soul. Only in God - or out of the world." Duhghtér declaimed with the seriousness of a child.

_ "Souls are incommunicable. Let your body get along with another body."

The final verse they both did in unison:

_ "Because bodies understand each other, but souls do not."

And then they smiled as if there had never been a yesterday in the world, until Duhghtér said: 

_ I found my father...

_ It makes perfect sense to me, because if you were able to find me here, you are fully capable of finding yourself, in case you ever decide to look for yourself!

_ Man, until I fell in love with my imaginary friend, melting for you was the best thing my heart did...

_ Silly. But it is not? In a physical aspect just as the gravity on a neutron star is so strong that life in it is two-dimensional; in the same way, a soul, being made of tiny dark force, operates at such a low gravitational level that it puts me in the fifth dimension and allowed you to come here to see me. Am I wrong?

_ You are correct. But go on.

_ So, in the same way that even the most beautiful flower has no means of seeing itself, people only exist in relation to the other. And look: this relationship is with language, isn't it? After all, it is she who assigns meanings. Now, evidently, a person cannot define himself by his own speech - you were never a narcissist - but by the other's, and this even before he is born, because communication begins in the womb. Without a father, you sure lacked something, and this lack throughout your life has injected you with that feeling of rejection that floods you and that must have driven your personality forever, even more so since your mother's acceptance is limited...

_ That's why you were beautiful but nobody ate you.

_ Nobody ate you. I knew how to play dumb, a quality you never had, baby. She was correct; Duhghtér didn't even try to argue, so he just smiled.

_ Yes, the task of living is hard, but fascinating.

_ Don't be sorry, in the end you're there, I'm not.

_ I could never understand... But please, I don't need to, ok? Everything is fine!

_ You know I never really had a home in the world, don't you?

_ Look, this orange tree perfume is very pleasant, isn't it?

_ Duhghtér, don't worry, I can talk about it. OK? I can.

_ So, after we are born, it is the speech of the other that defines how much the child is desired and it is this desire that builds us or at least shapes us. But he charges a price...

_ What would it be?

_ The subject and the I are dissociated, that is, the being is alienated by the "Me".

_ I didn't understand.

_ Do you remember that I told you when I went to Araguaia with my family? You know I was stung by a stingray, don't you? I showed you the scar and told you about the excruciating, nagging pain before which my deformed foot and my permanent inability to play almost all kinds of sports were nothing. It hurt a lot, Duhghtér, it hurt a lot and my mother blaming me didn't help. What made me beg to have my foot amputated - not kill me - were the words of my father, who didn't leave me for a second saying that I was strong and that the pain would pass. That's why I fell in love with you on that rainy day: everyone ran, you stayed by my side, gave me your shirt and protected me from the flood, under the rain, wetting like a fish, even with the flu and almost convulsing with cold and fever.

_ But...

_ I never told you that I broke up with my boyfriend on the same day, did I? Is that you returned to your city. But don't be thinking about it. The fact is, going back to the stingray issue, I had very little time to decide between death and amputation. I chose to beg for amputation because my father's voice comforted me. But in Brasilia the next day you left and shortly afterwards my father sent you far away. So, I ended up opting for the end of the alienation between myself and myself, because living meant having to choose life and deal with the amputation of that missing part of me, which was acceptance.

_ By the Goddess. I didn't know, I swear I didn't know!

_ Duhghtér, the meaning of life is defined by what you lack and being, by the speech of others. You and my father made me and his silly lines, as well as his usual confusion were what kept my will to exist, no matter what the stingray was; in your case I never told you that, because I thought you would always be there and in my father's cases because I never thought it necessary. I was wrong, lady soldier. But now you're here and my dad will be here soon too, so it's okay, okay? 

She then held Duhghtér's hand - who was catatonic - and asked the angels to sing Take on Me, which they did. With pity on those two souls, the Lord himself sprinkled the dew of forgiveness on both of them, and led Duhghtér back to her sleep, while the stream turned into the river that the soul of the girl with no accent in her name so longed for.