Out of Place [Cobra Kai OC x Robby Keene]

43- Awkward Ride

I keep my eyes on the road, as I should. He doesn't say anything. I don't say anything. It's pure, tense, awful silence. I know I won't say the first word... I but I don't know which is worse- awkward silence or awkward conversation...

"What happened to us?" Hawk asks quietly, cutting through the heavy silence. My heart pangs, then proceeds to speed up. Tears prick at my eyes and choke up my throat. What happened to us... I don't say anything. I can't. I don't know how. I don't know how to explain how much I hurt him. I don't know how to put into words how sorry I am for what I did.

"Can you at least tell me what I did? Or why you stopped talking to me? I'm sorry okay? For whatever I did that made you leave. I'm-"

"It wasn't you, okay?" I finally say, trying to push past the tears, "you didn't do anything, I just- I lost everyone I cared about. I pushed you away to keep myself from getting hurt. It was selfish, it was awful, and I regretted it almost every day. I'm sorry... it was the worst thing I've ever done... I don't have any excuses because there are none.. I'm sorry, Eli.. I'm so sorry."

He turns to me, and I can tell he's confused. He must've gone all that time thinking he did something horribly wrong... I'm such an awful person..

"What- what happened? I know you lost your mom, but that was way before you stopped talking to me," he follows up. I can't not tell him now... he's been an absolute jerk to me all summer and he's the last person I want to tell this to... but if it hadn't happened then we would still be friends...

"My brothers died in a drunk driving accident. All I have left is my dad... kind of... I hurt myself before anyone or anything else could... I never wanted to hurt you..." I trail off, my voice quiet and on the verge of breaking. I watch his face soften a little.

"René and Alejandro? They died..?" He asks. That's what I said, isn't it? I nod.

"I'm sorry... I wish you would've told me. I could've been there for you. We could've helped each other like we always did," he says. I bite my lip to hold back tears.

"I know..." I whisper though tears, "I know.."

Silence befalls the two of us once more. This is so surreal. The boy that I used to see everyday and was best friends with, turned to a bittersweet memory by my doing, then to a rival, sitting in my car, finally exposing the past. Another thing that's weird is that I used to come this way all the time and then just... stopped. I used to go to his house all the time. Like at least once or twice a week. We would study or watch movies or tv shows or YouTube videos or bake cookies or just hang out and talk... his mom liked me.

Speaking of liked... I never knew Eli liked me like that... I like to make up random and impossible scenarios in my head, so I know I thought about it at some point. But I also know that I overthought the idea to the point where I was completely convinced that I was just making things up. I'm also usually hilariously oblivious to people's advances, and maybe that's on purpose, in a way. At this point I would barely call it dating, but I "dated" two guys in like, seventh grade, and it didn't go well either time, so I've just taken a step back and isolated myself even further. It's just weird to think that your best friend would have a crush on you. Like one day you're like 'hey best friend' and then the next you're like 'hey more than best friend'. Absolutely surreal.

"Holy shit," Hawk marvels, lightly touching my upper arm as I stop at a red light, which causes me to jump, but also react fast. I twist his arm into a wrist lock, then lean in.

"I know that your Sensei told you what I told him to tell you after what happened in the cafeteria," I say in his ear, "so let me make it perfectly clear: bad intention or not, don't touch me," I lean back out, "hands off, halcón."