Loved

Chapter 2 - Scared

No matter what he tried, Matt couldn't keep his legs from tapping frantically against the airplane floor. He knew he was driving the surly businessman next to him insane, but every time he stopped consciously controlling the movement, his legs would involuntarily resume their agitated dance. At least when his legs were bouncing, his stomach felt a little less nauseated.

"Sorry," Matt muttered in response to the glare he was receiving. He placed both hands on his knees.

It wasn't that he was scared of flying. He usually loved it. It wasn't even his destination. When it had all been part of a theoretical plan, Matt had been excited about travelling to South Africa. And he'd looked forward to working with his uncle in the church he pastored. Now that he was finished his degree, this was the next logical step. He would gain some practical experience to put on his CV before looking for a permanent position back home.

Nothing scary.

And yet, from the moment he'd begun to set his plans in motion, there was this sick feeling in his stomach that just wouldn't budge. This constant nervous tension that hammered on the inside had been the instigating factor in his various attempts to back out of the trip. Only his mother's desperate insistence had stopped him from cancelling.

"This will be good for you. You've been planning this for so long," she'd said over and over again.

He couldn't argue with her because all he had to go on was a feeling. But still, the last time he'd lived with this sensation, his world had come crashing down around him.

"Ahem," came the sharp sound from beside Matt.

Matt shoved down on his legs. "Sorry."

He forced his mind to focus on the aspects of the trip that had initially attracted him. He was excited to be living with his cousin, Caleb. Up until three years ago when his uncle, aunt and cousins had left for South Africa, Matt and Caleb had been inseparable. Cal was his best friend. He'd always had the uncanny ability to balance Matt's seriousness. Lauren, Cal's sister, was also one of his favourite people. She was reliably herself, no matter what the circumstance. The genuineness of her character was a breath of fresh air, even when she was being a brat. And, of course, Matt adored his aunt and uncle.

All in all, good things to look forward to for the next twelve months.

So why the constant anxiety?

Matt couldn't quite figure it out. He wasn't big on change. He knew that. But this was something more. Maybe it had to do with being so far away from his parents. He hadn't been more than an hour's drive from them while he was at college. Being nearby had been a comfort; he could be there if his mom needed him. Before college, he hadn't spent a night away from them since...

He couldn't think about that now. They would be fine. He would be fine.

"Ughh! Could you stop that?!"

"Man, I'm so sorry."

"What? Are you scared of flying? I'm sure they have medication for that!"

Matt shook his head. "No, not usually. Listen, I'm really sorry. I'll cut it out."

The man nodded, not looking convinced.

Matt placed his headphones over his ears and chose a soothing album. Focusing on the music, his left hand moved to form the chords he heard while his right hand strummed. He wished he could whip out his guitar from the overhead bin and play along for real. His guitar always calmed him. Knowing that the movement of his hands was possibly as annoying as the tapping of his legs, Matt closed his eyes instead and tried to get some sleep. It was a useless effort; he was wound up like a clock.