Soulmates are Overrated

Chapter Twenty

I spent the past few weeks doubting everything Julian and I built. I used our marriage as an excuse to combat every issue that came my way. The part that hurts the worst is that it took me too long to figure out that I want to keep fighting for my marriage. I want any life I can have with Julian, even if that means coming home to a cold plate of spaghetti.

After sobbing on the street, Hudson ushered me to his car and brought me to his apartment. I cried in his car and was too consumed with a feeling of grief to even worry about what he thinks. Now, I'm sitting on his couch, letting tonight's events to truly sink in.

Hudson comes back into the living room with a blanket draped over his arm.

He wraps it around my shoulders before sitting down in the chair across from me. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a complete idiot." My voice comes out hoarse.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I pull the blanket tighter around me. "What is there to talk about? Everything I did that I thought was the right thing, only ended up pushing my husband away from me."

"I'm sorry, Alex." His tone is sincere.

I tilt my head. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

A small smile lifts his lips. "Just because you tricked me and are crying over another guy right now, doesn't mean that I want to see you upset. When you feel for someone the way that I feel for you, it kills you to see them in this state."

I almost wish that he were the one I chose, the one that I love. It would be so much easier. I could just leave Julian in my past and move on with Hudson. But there's nothing tying me to Hudson like I'm tied to Julian.

***

I put the car in park, but I don't get out yet. The yellow house in front of me looks different than it did yesterday. The welcome flag Julian bought gives the garden a nice look and the shutters are still fresh with the coat of paint splashed on them a few months ago. The little efforts here and there are enough to cover up the flaws.

A lump forms in my throat, but I'm quick to swallow it. Right now is not the time for me to break down. I blink the tears away and take a deep breath before getting out of the car.

I am slow to walk inside; my limbs are too weak to carry me quickly.

The door creaks open as I step into the foyer. I take off my shoes, but when I go to place them on the shelf next to Julian's empty spot, my hand shakes. A wave of deja vu knocks into me, but this time is different. I'm not worried that Julian is out with Brittany. Instead, I'm worried that that empty spot might not ever be filled again.

It takes me a moment to pull myself together and move away from the door. I get hit with another wave when I get to the kitchen. The memory of Julian at the stove plays in front of me. The memory of coming home to chocolate covered strawberries plays in front of me.

He remembered how much I like them and made extra for me. I didn't know it at the time, but his simple gesture meant more to me than I told him.

A tear falls down my cheek. I swiftly wipe it away.

I move past the kitchen and down the hall to my office. I need to complete this project for work. The world doesn't stop turning just because I'm going through something.

This mindset flies out of the window when my eyes lock onto the bedroom. The door is wide open, exposing me to the open closet inside. I hesitantly step inside, taking in the scene. A handful of Julian's clothes and the duffel bag that was on the shelf are missing.