Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Chapter 7

The beautiful woman was clutching onto his right arm and he was letting her . . . so naturally.

They walked into the canteen without paying any attention to the stares they received on the way. Para silang may sariling mundo na sila lang ang nakakaalam. And even though his face showed no emotion, I knew he was feeling something by the way he allowed her to touch him.

"Oo. No'ng last day na tinuruan ni Leon ang kapatid ko, sinabi niya sa 'min na maaga siyang aalis kasi may pupuntahan pa siya," sabi ni Zoey na ngayong taon ay kaklase na namin. "Tapos ayun, nalaman ko kay Mama na nakita niya raw na may kasamang babae 'yan."

All of a sudden, I felt like I had lost my appetite. Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanila at ganoon na lang ang paninikip ng dibdib ko nang makitang dumulas ang kamay ng babae papunta sa kamay niya. I watched how their fingers intertwined, but before the pain completely engulfed my heart, I had the courage to focus my eyes on my food.

Matagal ko nang naririnig na may girlfriend siya. Balitang-balita iyon sa department namin. Iba lang ngayon kasi harap-harapan kong nakita at hindi ko inaasahan na masakit pala.

Posible pala 'yon, 'no? Na kahit gaano kaikli at kaunti ang alaala n'yo, puwede palang malalim ang maging balik no'n sa 'yo.

"Hindi ba kayo nagka-something?" untag ni Zoey sa akin. "'Yong sa Davao?"

A sharp pain stabbed through my chest as she mentioned the place where I confessed to myself that I had feelings for Leon.

It was still clear to me. Nang huling gabi namin sa isla, itinanong niya sa akin kung bakit hindi na ako lumabas ng kubo. Miski raw ang lalaki ay nagpaalam nang matutulog. The time I had an outburst in front of Leon, she was in the lighthouse with Ms. Lubrica because she'd been wanting to go there ever since we arrived.

"Kadiri, ha?" natatawang sabi ko bago nag-angat ng tingin.

This is what I mastered — concealing my emotions. Kaya nga nakahiligan ko ang make-up dati, eh. Not only would it hide my blemishes, but it would also cover up my fears, insecurities, and, dare I say it, even my jealousy.

"Ang ganda talaga ng friend ko," pang-aasar ni Meg na nginisian ko lang. "Anyway, may reviewer na ako sa Purposive Comm, bet n'yo?"

The conversation moved on to the forthcoming midterm exams, but I remember being so affected by what I had seen that I cried myself to sleep that night.

Ewan ko ba, ang babaw ko talaga lagi. Kaunting sakit lang, grabe ko dibdibin. Sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na ayos lang 'yon kasi wala namang ibang nakakakita. Ako lang naman ang nakakaalam na nasasaktan ako. Madali namang itago. Madali namang idaan na lang sa tawa.

It was a mistake. Having feelings for him was a mistake.

Simula noon, lagi ko na silang nakikitang magkasama ng kasintahan niya. They were everywhere. Sa library, sa canteen, sa hallway ng department namin, sa waiting shed sa labas ng school, sa lahat.

I don't know if they were really everywhere or if I was just paying too much attention to them.

Dumating sa punto na parang sa akin na lang big deal 'yon. Ako na lang 'yong napapatingin kapag magkasama sila. Ako na lang 'yong may pakialam.

The first semester of my second year brought forth a slew of changes. Hindi na namin kaklase si Maricar dahil napalipat siya ng section. She remained friends with Leon, so she would visit our room from time to time.

Then there were a few moments when I could swear I saw Leon looking at me, but then he would quickly avert his gaze. It still made my heart flutter, but I never let myself think about liking him again.