Welcome to Russland!

A Let's Not Meet

I'm wearing my old Harley Davidson leather jacket, my button up work shirt that is currently open over a tanktop, wearing my Viking medallion, and my hair is tied back in its usual ponytail.  I look good, not super good, but I'm prouder now than I have been lately of how I look.  I'm tall but not super tall (5'11 which towers over my entire family), skinny, limp, but I'm at peace with myself.  I also look...sort of well off?  Which I'm not.  I survive paycheck to paycheck but my family and I are comfortable enough.

So as I walk into the Walmart, I immediately start counting aisles to find the candy aisle.  It isn't where I would have thought it was so I have to try and search a bit.  Right as I'm passing one aisle, there are these two guys, standard as anyone, standing at the entrance to it.  Right as I walk by them though, my music pauses inbetween switching songs and it is just in time for me to hear one of them speak.

"That guy."

I turn my head and glance at them but neither are looking in my direction so I just shrug it off.  Oh well.  Any amount of conversations can have that phrase.  I keep weaving between the aisles and find the one I want.  No Apple Rings.  Bollocks.  Google lies once again.  I go to leave.

Now, like I said as part of rituals, I ALWAYS take out my music when I'm walking away from a store down a parking lot.  That way I can hear if a car comes up behind me.  I stay on the lane my car is parked on so I don't have to cross and risk getting bumped, I keep my eyes open, and I'm careful but not worried.  I'm halfway down the parking lot, cars EVERYWHERE, no seriously, spot to spot parked fully, when I get this feeling.  That weird feeling that you don't quite feel comfortable in.  So I of course look behind me.

The same two guys from the store are following me, about fifteen feet away, or roughly 3 or 4 car spaces.  As soon as my eyes meet theirs, both of them look deliberately away but they keep following me.  Okay...alarms are starting to go off, but I stay calm.  Again, while I am paranoid as hell, I want to trust people.  Any number of reasons for this, but they're running out.

Now I notice another detail.  The distance between me and my car, and me and the two guys, is roughly the same.  By the time I stop at my car to unlock it and get in, these two will be on top of me.  I don't have to tell you why that isn't a good situation in the worst case scenario that my mind was conjuring up.  So, even if it's out of place and weird, I keep walking past my car.  They don't know which one is mine since they didn't see me walk into the store.  This is my first real test.

I reach the very end of the parking lot and thankfully parked there is a big church style van with the big windows on the walls, so not a blacked out "Hey kids I've got candy" van.  I round the van and immediately duck down and hurry to the front bumper, staying low.  I listen and hear the guys still following me, footsteps getting louder.  I quickly dart around to the next car in line, and then another, and another.  I stay low, quiet, and aware.  The footsteps have eventually stopped and I am roughly 5 cars away from where I started back down the parking lot aisle, heading back toward the store.  I stand up and start heading directly for my car again, maybe moving a bit faster now.

Right as I reach my car, I look back.  The two guys are just rounding the van, coming back my way.  Our eyes meet and they realize that I'm onto them.  I don't waste a second, I jump into my car, for once not doing my inspection of underneath like I usually do to check for someone hiding underneath there (that's a story for another time.)  Once I'm in my car, I lock the doors and turn to look directly at these guys.  They're closer but they're standing there now, staring at me as I'm staring at them.

For all that I am able to convey in how creepy this was, these two guys lingered.  They stood there for a solid minute, neither of us moving, before they finally turned around and walked away.  Not toward any specific vehicle.  Not the van that maybe if it was theirs that just maybe they were wanting to make sure the weirdly dressed skinny guy with the Viking ponytail had ducked down behind for some reason.  They just walked away from the parking lot.

I watch them go before I drive off, mind going haywire over what those two could have been planning.  The weight of it didn't really hit me until I had finally visited the last of the four stores I had planned and eventually did find a few bags of the candy I wanted.  I spent all night that night freaked out and overthinking every detail, but I am sure, after speaking to multiple people that I dearly trust (My barbarian wife, my best friend & editor, my illustrator, my Navy buddy etc) that those two men were planning nothing good involving me.

Anyway, that's my little story.  I'm obviously alive and well, and will be looking into getting a concealed weapon of some sort, since the State I live in doesn't require a permit.  If only to deter moments like these in the future.  I don't have the luxury of a fight or flight response that gives me variety of choice: thanks to my limp, I can't exactly run.  Also I can't fight much either since all of my self defense and combat training comes from melee weaponry that are outdated by over a thousand years.  Even so, I'll never go down quietly when my time does come.

To those guys who followed me, if you somehow read this, Let's Not Meet.  You won't like what happens if we do.

TLDR: King of the Simps with a Limp indulges his sweet tooth and gets a creepy close encounter with Walmart creeps.