Unrequited? A Lie Told-A Promise Broken

46. -Art-

What a bitch, I think rolling my eyes.  I turn to speak to the attendant, "Do you pierce?" I ask and she nods.

"Ewww, with a gun?" Gear asks.

"Whats the difference?"

"It's gross." Gear says.

"It's fine."

"Let's go to a piercer instead."

"We're already here."

Clover walks over and takes my hand pulling me. "We will go after we leave here."

I frown and let myself be pulled.

We walk into the huge baby store.

"Where do we even start?" Gear asks.

"The best thing about having nothing is we need everything. I have Fiats credit card and his blessing to go crazy." I say.

"Let's check out the furniture." Clover says.

"Why didn't Mint come?" Gear asks.

I sigh, "She wanted to but she told me every time she tries to shop for the baby she cries. All she can think is he will never see it. She's still mourning and very hormonal. I don't want to push if it upsets her."

"That's heartbreaking." Clover says.

"I thought so too. She is so hard on herself, but I think she is doing great. I lost my Fiat once and nearly fucking died from the sorrow. If he was gone gone, I would be a pile of dust right now. But Mint is always cooking or cleaning to distract herself."

"Is she exerting herself?" Gear asks.

"I think so, she wakes up early, stays up late. I don't think she sleeps well. But I don't know how to comfort her. I couldn't be comforted in her position."

"Want us to help?" Gear asks.

"Please. I feel useless." I say looking to both of them.

"It's just because you're too close to it and fresh off the heels of losing your Fiat. The truth is the only thing that made you get better was going back to Fiat. Do you feel guilty she can't?"

"Is that stupid?" I ask.

Gear walks over and wraps his arms around me. "It's not stupid."

"I feel like such a piece of shit."

"Why?" Clover asks.

"Because I'm making it about me. I feel so sad for her but when she says his name and cries for some reason it feels like I lost my Fiat. Then I feel overwhelmed and crazy. How dare I feel that way when I have mine?"

Clover sighs and flanks my free side wrapping her arms around me.

"It's very human to empathize."

"It's more than that, I fear her pain."

"A lot has happened, and they do share a name. I think when you see her crying at the loss of her Fiat it reminds you of how you felt when you lost yours." Clover says.

"That's so selfish. My Fiat lives."

"What's the right way to heal from trauma? What happened was traumatic for you. Not enough time has passed. Don't be so hard on yourself."  Gear tells me.

"You got us, we will help. Don't worry too much Artbug." Clover says as she squeezes me tighter.

I let them hug me for a while, until the tightness in my chest disappears.