weak ➸ camren

chapter 19 ➸ something i'll regret

Lauren's eyes widened. "Did you cut your hair?" she asked in disbelief. Camila slowly shook her head. Realizing what was going on, Lauren let out a heavy sigh.

"Why is this happening to me?" Camila whispered, unable to talk any loud without breaking into tears again. She'd gotten pretty good at controlling her sobs over the past few months.

"I don't know," Lauren answered honestly. She slowly sat down on the wall next to Camila. "Y'know I'm here for you, right?" Camila just shrugged and hugged her knees to her chest.

Lauren tried not to appear hurt by Camila's response. "I... Of course I am, Camila..." Lauren sighed and studied the small girl beside her for a few moments. "C'mere," she whispered, opening her arms and biting her lip. Camila looked up slowly.

"If I were you, I'd hate me," Camila mumbled, scooting closer to Lauren and allowing the older girl to wrap her arms around her. She sighed, laying her head on Lauren's shoulder and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"I could never hate you, Camz," Lauren laughed softly and shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous."

Camila bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't deserve you," she whispered, mostly to herself. Lauren heard, though, and felt her heart drop.

"You deserve happiness," Lauren nodded once. "And I'll be here while you find it."

Camila looked up at her, glancing at her lips for a second before forcing her eyes away. Lauren didn't return her feelings, that's what she had gathered from their argument the other day. Wanting to protect her was just an excuse for not wanting to be with her. Camila swallowed hard. Her barriers were built back up.

"You're gonna be here a long time, then," Camila finally spoke. She wiggled out of Lauren's arms. "I'm going to bed," she nodded once. Lauren watched as she disappeared out of the bathroom without another word. The older girl sighed and laid her head back. Camila's mood changes were so confusing to navigate around.

Both girls crawled into bed feeling empty that night. They slept as far away as they could from one another, as they had the past few days. Lauren felt useless. What could she do to help Camila if the small girl wasn't willing to accept help?

—

Two days passed since the moment they shared in the bathroom. If anything, Camila only grew more distant. She was cold, emotionless. The small girl avoided Lauren at all costs, which only crushed and confused the older girl even more.

It was Tuesday night, 9:15 PM. Lauren and Camila had both been in the living room, but in completely different worlds. Looking over, Lauren noticed the smaller girl had fallen asleep on the couch. She yawned, growing tired herself.

Not wanting to wake Camila, she tucked a blanket over the small girl and flipped off the light. Camila always fell asleep in the living room, and Lauren never bothered bringing her upstairs because Camila would only protest.

Lauren crawled into bed at 9:45 PM with a soft sigh. She wasn't sure how much longer she could do this for. She fell asleep at 10:20 PM, after staring at the ceiling for what felt like forever.

"Lauren."

The green eyed girl was awoken at 12:21 PM by a voice in the doorway. Groggily, she sat up and wiped her eyes. "Wha...?" she mumbled, still slightly asleep.

"I need to go to the hospital," Camila said hesitantly. She stood in the doorway, hugging a blanket around her shoulders. Lauren shot out of bed, immediately waking up upon hearing the smaller girl's words.

"What? Why? What happened?" Lauren ran over to Camila, looking her up and down and trying to figure out what was going on. The smaller girl sighed heavily and shook her head.

"Nothing happened, Lauren. I need to go to the hospital," she said coldly. Lauren shuddered, not finding a trace of emotion in Camila's voice. She bit her lip and glanced around the room.

"What's going on?" she whispered, afraid to raise her voice. Camila just stared blankly ahead with her arms wrapped around her torso.

"I'm not safe here," she turned and started walking down the stairs. Lauren stood frozen in the doorway.

"Camila...?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to do something I'll regret, okay?!" Camila growled between gritted teeth, turning around to look at Lauren. "Are you coming, or not?" She balled her hands into fists to try and calm herself down.

"I-I, uh, yeah," Lauren stuttered. She grabbed her keys from next to the door and quickly followed Camila. The smaller girl's words were still sinking in with her, and she was growing increasingly terrified.

She followed Camila silently out to the car. She jogged in front of the girl to open the passenger side door, but Camila pushed her away.

"I can do it myself," she hissed. Lauren stared at her in shock as Camila slid into the car and slammed the door shut. The green eyed girl wasn't sure how she was supposed to react to any of this. She swallowed her pride and circled around the car.

"Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly once she was seated in the driver's side. She looked over at Camila, who was staring straight ahead. No response. Sighing, Lauren decided not to push the question and started the car.

They drove the drive to the hospital in silence. Lauren would occasionally glance over at Camila every few minutes, but the girl never seemed to move from her position. It was as if she were frozen. Lauren grew more and more concerned by the second. She didn't want to think about what Camila had been planning on doing.

As soon as Lauren parked the car, Camila was gone. She had to jog to catch up to the smaller girl. She watched in confusion when Camila pushed through the hospital doors. Camila walked straight past the front desk and down one of the back hallways.

"Camila?" Lauren called, walking quickly after her. "Where are you going?"

Camila ignored Lauren and continued walking. Lauren watched as she tugged on one of the nurse's sleeves and whispered something into her ear. The nurses demeanor changed right away, and suddenly two more nurses filed into the hallway and each put a hand on Camila's shoulder.

"Camila?!" Lauren called even louder, jogging down the hallway to try and catch up. One of the nurses grabbed Lauren's arm and prevented her from going any further, which caused the green eyed girl to look up at her in confusion.

"What's going on?" she asked quickly. The other nurses led Camila down the hallway, and just as they were about to turn the corner, Camila turned her head slightly and met Lauren's eyes. Lauren froze. Everything clicked in that moment when she saw the tears streaming down the smaller girl's face.

"Camila!" Lauren cried, trying to break free from the nurse's grip. The brown eyed girl disappeared around the corner and Lauren felt her heart drop in her chest. She tried to yank her hand away, and as soon as she did another nurse held her back.

"You have to let me go!" Lauren yelled, shaking her shoulders and planting her feet in the ground. "I need to go with her, I... I-I...."

"She's safe here, honey," one of the nurses tried to comfort her. "We have doctors here that will make sure she can't hurt herself."

Everything had just become all too real for Lauren. Had Camila really been considering... doing... that? The thought of losing her best friend made her heart shatter into a million pieces. She let out a sigh of frustration when the nurses wouldn't let her go and crumpled to her knees on the ground in tears.

It was her job to take care of Camila. It was her job.

And she'd failed. 

—

a/n: this chapter was so painful to write i can't stand it omg. 

anyway, thank you endlessly for all the positive feedback on this fic! it's crazy. i think it's like #124 in Fanfiction - which is insane for me to even grasp than anyone would want to read my writing. 

i love you all, have a great day lovelies <3

- lena (@lenajfc on twitter, txrches on tumblr)