Tattoos Together || Larry Stylinson

Chapter 33

If you want to keep it, then I will be a father to the child. Even if it might not be my own. I will love it ok? Just like I love you, Gigi. I have to take better care of you, although we don't know for sure whether it might not be mine after all. We don't know and that's terrible. But we all make mistakes, right? And the little one can't help it either. I'll take care of you both, okay? Always.

After we had all been emotionally lost in our thoughts for at least half an hour, Niall briefly left the room and came back with a handful of small zipper bags.

He handed each of us one and I saw Gigi roll her eyes. "Niall, I have no idea where you've been for the last hour, but I definitely can't do cannabis right now." Zayn gave Niall a warning look and then turned to me. "Lou... I don't really want to, but I think it's time to go. I've got a pregnant girlfriend to take care of."

I had dreaded this moment ever since I knew it was coming. I stood up and fell into the raven-haired man's tight hug. I was shocked to find that he was crying. Quiet and reserved, but he did it. Tears fell from the corner of his eyes and I had to control myself.

"Time is a bitch." He murmured. "Come over well, buddy. Thinking of you, yeah? Thanks for everything, you deserve the best."

"Take good care of Gigi, will you? Maybe we'll see each other again at some time. Love you, Bud." I smiled sadly. It was unfair that goodbyes were so sad. Especially if they were forever. I felt bad for doing it on my own will. When Gigi said goodbye, nothing held me anymore. She shed such bitter tears. "I will tell the child the best stories about Uncle Louis, they will love you so much." I took a deep breath and kissed her forehead. Zayn grabbed his girlfriend by the waist and pulled her away from me. Gently and carefully. She turned to her boyfriend and let him pick her up and carry her over the threshold. One last quick eye contact. One last 'goodbye'.

Harry's eyes were glassy when I turned back to the remaining people on the couch. My boyfriend still held onto his promise not to cry.

-

We all sat together in the garden. Passing on the meanwhile fourth joint from person to person. It was early in the morning. Maybe three thirty when Niall and Liam left. This farewell was a little more bearable for all of us because we were foggy in consciousness. It would only get worse in the next few days. Niall had given me a letter. It said 'from El' and I looked at it with distrust, I shouldn't open it until we were in Switzerland. It seemed very important to Niall. I had given Niall the leather bracelet we bought together in elementary school.

And then there were just Harry and I, laying in the grass, high and in love.

"I want you to tattoo your name on my arm."

"Bad idea, what if someday you'll find someone else and there's my name on your skin?"

"Then he'll know, that my first real love will always be part of me. Besides, who says I ever want anyone but you?" I shot him a warning look. We've already had that talk.

"And I also wanna be able to say, that we've got Tattoos Together"

"I like the thought... but my whole name is too much. I don't want it. You can have an 'L'. And I want a tattoo from you too."

His expression changed from triumphant to uncertain. "But I'm not creative and..." I shushed him and took pen and needle from the hand he held out to me.

Next morning, we woke up in the grass. Harry's forearm now had an 'L' -and my wrist had a small fish on it.

-

Saying goodbye to my family was the worst. Tears flowed like streams and Féli didn't understand. I took the little girl in my arms. "Princess...I, I won't be back. Never again. I'm going on a long journey to mom." She looked me in the eyes blankly. "Can I come with you? I want to go to mama too. Why are you leaving me alone?"

"This has nothing to do with you honey. I'll look down on you with mama and protect you, okay? And you have to promise me that you'll watch out for Hazzie so he doesn't do anything stupid. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded and took off her pink necklace. "Here, this is a lucky charm for you and can you bring mama the picture of the princess on horseback?"

I smiled at my baby sister. "Sure, she'll absolutely adore it."

When I had said my last goodbyes, Mark took us to the train station by car. He wanted to arrive the morning of my euthanasia to say goodbye one last time and bring Harry back home.

We sat in the train. I'd left the people I cared about behind now. My heart clenched when the thoughts shoot through: I wouldn't see my sister growing up. I wouldn't be there at Lottie's and Masons wedding. Gigi was pregnant with Zayn's child. Or maybe not. Maybe I'd never know. Maybe I would never find out how they named it, maybe I'd never see a picture of their little pumpkin.

Maybe I would. Fuck uncertainty.