The Great History

11 - Shadows and Truths

She wasn't sitting in front of the little stream, as usual. The scent was coming from another direction, this time.

_ I didn't see you in the creek...

_ I decided to come under the shadows of memory, this time. Enjoy that they are clear. Want to talk? Sit here.Dughter sat down. Nothing was said for a comfortable few minutes.

_ So, I was thinking. My father's sadness always visits me, but it's gentle. Very rarely any memory of friends or siblings. From my mother, remorse, eventually. you always appeared, but disappeared for what, about 20 years? What has changed?

_ I don't know. Out of nowhere parts of me resurfaced. You were part of them.

_ I've been remembering the only time you really touched me. I thought it was funny that you did it from behind, almost hugging me and safely unbuttoning my shirt, but like I'm some kind of saint and you're a monk, and not the big but wild and scared little animal you used to be. More than that, actually. You didn't look hungry for my body, but I don't know, a sommelier of little hotties. I liked the way you touched me.

_ And I liked your smell... amber with cinnamon? You were very appreciable, I admit. Also, we weren't in a very safe place or time.

_ Don't talk like that, I never understood where you got that I smelled cinnamon. Besides, it sounds like you were more looking to protect me than make out me...

_ The circumstances, dear, the circumstances. And yes, you smelled cinnamon. Probably because of the things you put in your mouth so your parents wouldn't know you smoked.

_ True, there was that. But I don't know, you were my soldier, anything just shoot the bad guys._ I was not armed, you know.

_ Really, but to ask you: my breasts weren't even the right size to fit in your hands. Did that disappoint you?

_ By the goddess, no, I never thought of that. It was wonderful. I was afraid of not pleasing you, because it was unskillful. In fact, I never knew what you saw in me.

_ Easy. It was a bar, you were a soldier, and you still looked more out of place than a meatpacker representative at a vegetarian convention. Not to mention, when I asked you to borrow a lighter, you just bought one and gave it to me, which I thought was sweet of you. And when I asked you a question, instead of trying to impress me, you just said you didn't know. Wow!

_ Was because of this? I thought it was the uniform, said Duhghtér, smiling.

_ And you looked like a virgin; I found it strangely sexy.

_ But I was a virgin. I was. And I loved that you were a bitch. It felt so free...

_ In truth no; most of the time I was just confused. But sometimes yes, I was. And I liked to be! But I admired your restraint and I also liked the impression you gave me, that I could do whatever I wanted with you.

_ It was not impression, said Duhghtér, thoughtfully. You could really do whatever you wanted to me.

_ And I chose to make you suffer.

_ Don't beat yourself up for it. Things just happened, stopped happening. What was, was, and passed. Leave it in the past. They held hands in silence.

_ Do you still believe in anyone you like? And is it still moderate?

_ The same thing. It is necessary; human nature can be very bad if we feed it inadequately.

_ You know what's weird? Here, I am about to be born, so I am being born, but whoever is alive is actually dying. I don't know if there is life or there is death.

_ I didn't understand.

_ But is. See, you are alive and maybe you will live longer and longer. Or maybe not. One hour ends. To live is to be able to die. It's all just intervals and that goes for people and who they love or hate, it doesn't matter. People just don't realize it and put it off, put it off, and put it off. I do not know. Fear? Proud? Insecurity? Man, people are muggles and they go to bed thinking that the next day they will lie down again, but one day they won't. Not one day. It's over, you know? Everything ends. But just to start over. Thanks for coming, really! Then they embraced and Duhghtér touched her lightly, until she calmed down, without saying anything, just a calm and comfortable affection. She had already seen it happen and therefore knew how to proceed. Finally they went out into the light and sat on the grass, smelling the fresh grass and orange blossom and cardamom that wafted from the things.

_ You were always the most intelligent of us, but you only philosophized when you were drunk... Is there something to drink here? Duhghtér asked with his usual smile, head down, restrained.

_Silly!And they talked longer than ever, about things past and charms past, until the fireflies came.

_ You look good with those dyke shirts. Disguise your fats.

_ Good morning mom!

_ Are we going to see my father today?

_ So, I think we need to talk. I know it's normal for daughters to idealize parents, even more so if they didn't know him, but Túlio was a lot less than a good person.

_ Like this?

_ For starters, Tullus Hostilius was the grandson of Hostus Gostillius, who fought with him when he was still Romullus, but who died during an invasion of Rome. He always used the method of pretending to be his own grandson, but in this particular case, he dared a little more. You can imagine how he did it, and I assure you it was nothing morally justifiable. Your father was as you understand that, although tough, he was not immortal. He barely had a tragic end, and so did I.

_ Like this? 

_ Tullus succeeded Numa Pompilius and believed that his more peaceful nature had weakened Rome. The people of the time attested that he sought war and was even more bellicose than the first king of Rome, Romulus, who was none other than himself. Understand that in his reign Alba Longa was defeated and became a vassal state of Rome. In fact, in the end they were all forced to come to Rome, and came to live on Mount Caelius, one of Rome's seven hills and opida. When we get back there, you'll be able to check it out for yourself: all the inhabitants there are originally Albanian.

_ I didn't know that.

_ Most do not know. He was very bellicose and under his reign the Romans quickly dominated a very reasonable area, expanding their understanding of the advantages of owning land and slaves. In fact, he was the one who showed the Romans that war was a profitable activity. In the future also the commoners, as they no longer had to abandon their lands to fight, it was enough to conquer slaves in war and put them to work for themselves. Slaves would even replace commoners as the dominant workforce.

_I didn't know he was apparently so toxic.

_ He lived for the war and that since always, thousands of years ago. I think he felt excited and alive and it was also how he got the victims he needed. You know, fresh blood.

_Yeah, we don't produce red blood cells. I do my own thing with transfusions, but he didn't have that option. War is nonetheless a fairer means than merely random choice. Surviving almost always imposes difficult choices. In the end, everyone wants to live, but no one lives forever, do they? There is an end to everyone, after all. Maybe he just saw himself as an anticipator of the inevitable, which isn't to say he was necessarily someone bad, even because great accomplishments require great sacrifices.

_ You argue as he argued.

_ Like father, like daughter!

Méhtēr couldn't disagree, and besides it was no use, he didn't have time: the bread she was preparing was already ready to be taken out of the oven.