Broken • Choi Yeonjun

Family

I pull my phone from my pocket as I sit down on my bed, the screen showing nothing but missed calls and texts from my family, co-workers, boss, and Shea. All of them were suffering thinking I was dead when I wasn't, I was alive and breathing, I was fine for the most part, yet they were in pain because of me...

I unlock my screen and go to my call log, my mothers number was the most recent one that I had missed, everyday she called at least once and I had to ignore it, act like my family didn't exist.

"A text won't hurt, just let her know I'm alive..." What could happen? I give them hope that I'm still alive so they could get on with their lives, tell them I just up and left for my mental health, but that I was fine and would see them all soon... I had to do something.

I type the text out to my mom and let my finger hover over the send button.

Was this the right thing to do?

It had to be, the sight of them on the news made tears well up in my eyes again. They were broken and falling apart because I did one stupid thing, this was my fault and I had to fix it.

Before I could press the button my phone screen cut off. "What the hell?" I press and hold the power button, but nothing happened.

"You can't contact them."

"Did you break my phone?" I hold my phone in the air as Yeonjun leans on the door frame to my room, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black pants.

"No."

"Then why is it not working? It had a full battery." I hold it out towards him showing him no matter how many times I press the button, it wouldn't work. "Let me guess, some of your powers?"

He nods his head with a hum.

"Well, undo it, now."

"Can't do that."

"And why not?" After a week of controlling my anger I could feel it boiling back up as he picked at his nails, as if he couldn't be bothered with me at all.

"Because, if you text your mom that will only make things worse."

"How? How will it make it worse? You saw them on the news, they're falling apart because they think I'm dead! I can just text them and lie and say I just needed to leave town for my mental health."

"You're stupid."

That was my last straw, he wanted to call me stupid for caring for my family? All I wanted to do was let them know I was alive so they could get themselves together and live life.

I open my mouth to reply, but was cut off by him.

"You think your family will believe a text? No, they'll want to hear your voice, then they'll want to see you, then they won't want to let you go again. What happens if you do go see them and the demon takes over? You kill all your family by accident, then you become depressed and the demon takes full control and goes on a killing spree before either one of us kills you or you kill yourself."

I lift my phone up as I feel it vibrate, the screen now on.

"Go ahead, do whatever you want, but when your family is dead. Don't come crying to me." With that he walks away.

I throw my phone on my bed and start to pull at my hair. I needed to help my family they were suffering because of me... but he had a point, just because the demon has been under control for a week doesn't mean it won't pop back up when I go home. My emotions have been in control this whole week as well, but like now if I go home, I'll keep feeling this guilt.

I let my hands fall to my sides and head for the workout room Taehyun had showed me, I needed to get some of these emotions out or else the demon might slip in.

An hour later and I couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears blurring my vision. My hands and shins were sore from the repeated attack on the punching bag, but I still wasn't satisfied, I was still angry. Angry and upset at myself, at Yeonjun, at those people for killing me, at the world. I was upset with how my life was going and the fact that the people that cared about me had to deal with the fact I was missing, maybe even dead for all they know.

One last punch to the bag sent me to the floor, my hand was throbbing and bleeding through the tape that I had wrapped around my knuckles in a sloppy manner.

I pull the tape off and throw it to the floor before I start rubbing at my eyes to try and ease the sting.

All of this was to much, for a week I've kept it together, I've pushed all my emotions down, but I didn't seem even a small step closer to going back to my normal life.

My little sisters faces flashed behind my eyelids as I kept digging the heels of my palms into them, then my dads, then my mom and step dad's faces. All of them on repeat as my moms words echo through my head as if she was right beside me, begging for me to come home.

They think you're dead, why not actually die so at least they won't have to suffer with the unknown?

The voice was right, at least then they could bury me and be done. The pain of losing me will fade eventually, it would hurt like hell, but they wouldn't have keep up with the man hunt, the wondering what I could be going through,. If I was dead in the woods somewhere, or locked in a basement... they would have closer.

Better to end it now and let them go ahead and start the grieving process so they can hurry and get back to their lives.

Without even thinking I get to my feet and head for the door, and head for the stairs. Instead of going down to the dorm, I head up. I try to stop a few times, but it was like my body wouldn't listen to me.

The demons fragments must have took over again, but how was I able to see? I don't ever recall anything from when this happened before.

I try and reach my hand out for the stair rail, but all I could get it to do was twitch a little. I needed to try harder, I needed to clear my mind again and push all these emotions down.

I kept repeating to myself what I needed to do as my body went to an exit leading to the roof.

They were serious when they said I would try to kill myself.

Just because I had those thoughts did not mean I really wanted to die, I wanted to fight and get better so I could see my family again, not put them through the pain of losing someone, they didn't deserve any of this.

I could hear my heart pound in my ears as my arms and legs work together without my consent to climb over the roofs railing, the only thing keeping people from falling to their deaths.

I was really going to die, all because I was to weak to control my emotions...