Inanimate Objects Are Idiots (IOAI) ((the thumbnail is a placeholder </3))

||Same old thing.||

[Larrison]

It was late. Very late. Around 3 AM when we exited the bar. Well, when we were kicked out, I mean. No, White Whiskey would've stayed in there at least another hour if I didn't stop him.

"Come on! I can- I'm gonna fuckin- I'm gonna beat that guy to a PULP!" Whiskey yelled as I helped him out the door.

"Yeah, yeah. We both know he'd shatter you." I said, shutting the door behind us. I looked out at the sky. It was nice, a deep blue littered with stars everywhere. I could vaguely see a constellation I didn't recognize in the sky. Everything below was illuminated by the moonlight. Well, there was also the neon lights of the bar's signs.

I lugged Whiskey over to my car, hoisting him up into the back seat and getting in the driver seat myself. 

"Awhhhh c'monnnnnnnnn! Why can't I drive, Lar??" Whiskey whined as I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it, the engine rumbling to life. 

"Because you're drunk off your ass, moron." I said, pushing on the gas petal. As we started moving, Whiskey's rambling began. As he droned on about being able to knock the guy at the bar out if he wanted to, I played like I was listening with little "Mhm"s and "Yeah?"s. But, in reality, even if I wanted to listen, I couldn't. A low ringing began in my ears, getting louder and louder as I started to breathe heavier. I was panicking and I didn't know why. The noise got louder, louder, louder still, until-

..-. .-. --- .-- -. -.--

I groaned, opening my eyes and sitting up on the grass. I was in a field, with a lot of other people. 9, to be precise. I looked over to see White Whiskey, laying in the grass next to me. I nudged him.

"Oye. Whiskey. Wake up, will ya?" I said. Whiskey grumbled and rolled over.

"This isn't real. I'm dreaming." He said after a bit. 

"It's real, man." I nudged him once more, to no response. Eventually, I decided to get up and talk to other people. The options I had were..Rocky, at best. There were a chess piece and a glowstick that were already talking, a radio and an old box TV that looked like robots, and a ziploc bag. Everyone else was asleep.

I walked over to the radio, TV, and ziploc bag, waving my arms. "Hey! Hi, hello, uhm, where are we?"

"W-We aren't sure." The bag said. "We j-just..Showed up h-here! Me and t-this other guy--" The bag mentioned to the radio, who beeped offendedly. "S-Sorry- Me and Trapezoid have been trying to f-figure it out for h-hours! The TV--" The radio beeped offendedly yet again. "S-Sorry, sorry. Cube has been s-staring into space s-since we woke up."

"..Mhm." I hummed, waving a hand in front of The TV- Cube-'s face. Of course, their eyes didn't move at all. "Odd. What's your name, by the way? I'm Larry." 

"I-I'm Ezekiel." The bag- Ezekiel- said. 

"Nice to meet you, Ezekiel." I sat down next to the three of them. "So, do you know what this is?"

"N-Nope." Ezekiel said. "No c-clue."

"Ah. Well, I guess we'll have to find out soo-"

"..Shit, uhh..Is this thing on-??" A booming voice came from all around. I jumped, seeing many of the sleeping objects jolted awake by the loud noise. "..Okay, uhhh..Hello! Welcome to my gameshow. Called Inanimate Objects Are Idiots. Or IOAI. (trademark pending)." 

"..Waitwaitwait- What-???" I blurted out.

"You all were chosen out of a list of uhm..People. That were selected. For my gameshow. Called IOAI. (trademark pending)." 

Whiskey shot awake REAL quick. "Shit- Is this the cops-???"

"..No, this is-"

"I'm outta here!" He yelled, dashing off only to be teleported right back where he was laying.

"Stay still and listen. You all will be competing for uhm..A prize. Of something. And the, uhm, viewers, will eliminate you if you don't win a challenge."

"..Okay, then. Simple enough." I said. Murmurs of agreement spread through the people I saw around me. "What's the first challenge?"

"Uhhhhhh..First person to uhm..Okay, how about this."

I watched closely as a lake suddenly appeared, seemingly out of thin air.

"Last two people to uhm..Swim across that uhhh, lake, get put up for uhm..Elimination. In three, two..One. Uhh..Go."

It took a moment before the first one, the chess piece, hopped in the water, swimming across. Not long after followed the glowstick. And then a lot of other people. I was about to hop in when I noticed Ezekiel trying to get CUbe and Trapezoid into the water. Each time they got pushed, they shook their heads frantically and made an X with their hands. Oh. So water is a no-go for them.

I swam across the lake, looking back to see Ezekiel not far behind, carrying Cube above the water. Huh. Good solution.

As I made it to the opposite side of the lake, I hoisted myself up onto dry land and realized something. Though Ezekiel Cube and I got across, Whiskey had fallen back asleep and Trapezoid couldn't get in the water.

"Uhhh..You have one minute remaining." 

Frantically, I began to yell. "OYE! WHISKEY- WHISKEY! HEY! OVER HERE, MATE!" 

And yet, Whiskey didn't so much as stir.

I tried again. "WHISKEY! WHITE WHISKEY- OYE! COME ON!" I yelled out. Whiskey began to stir a bit. If only I could get him across in time..

"Uhhh..Time's up." Came the voice of the host. I sighed in defeat as Trapezoid and Whiskey were teleported to the rest of us and the lake dissipated into nothingness. "Uhhh..Radio and Bottle will be put up forrrr..Elimination."

I tried to be happy. Hey, at least Whiskey might get to go home, right?

..-. --- --- .-..

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