Bound by Fear

Whoops.

        School is so mind-numbingly boring, thank god it's the last class of the day, English. I hate English with a burning passion that will never die, and the teacher is a bum he wouldn't even let me use the bathroom.

     A few of the girls have reported him for looking up their skirts and inviting them to stay after school. I can not figure out why he hasn't been fired yet.

       I go to a well-populated public school, it has got some shitty people, degenerates if I must. I don't really have any friends, I'm not much of a people person and that's how I like it. I occasionally talk to Robin, the only person I really know but I wouldn't really consider us friends more like acquaintances. She's a ball of sunshine and I am a rainy day. We don't fit together very well, but she's a nice person and not to mention the fact that she is gorgeous. I might have a crush on her.. maybe.

        I graduate in 3 months, I don't think I'm excited exactly but I am planning on moving out when I do graduate, I want to move as soon as possible, maybe get a cute little apartment. I sure am excited about that, but I am not looking forward to bills now that I think about it I don't have any idea how to do bills, that might be a problem. There's something about graduating that makes me feel like my life as a youngster is over, as soon as a graduate I automatically become a 50-year-old with one mean-ass cat named Precious and a small cottage house.

       It's a gloomy day today it's raining and cold, I live in good old Washington you know like twilight. I never really understood twilight but my mother goes crazy for it. I have to walk home today because I don't have a fucking car I know, I know, I will get one soon shut up, it's bullshit but what can you do it's not a far walk anyways. The only problem I have with it is the fact that it's a cold wet day, not a warm pretty day, it never is.

      Class is over finally. I hate looking at the clock every minute, I usually try to be the last one out I don't know why it's just kind of a thing I've always done. I have a big test tomorrow which I am not excited about at all, but I will study when I get home god knows I'm gonna fail anyway but it's worth a shot.

        I actually do enjoy walking home it's relaxing though it's kind of creepy today, dim, rainy days always give me a weird vibe, not to mention the creepy car that keeps passing me slowly. I swear this is the third time I've seen it pass me. I've heard too many horror stories to think this is normal behavior. I want to run but if it's nothing I don't want to embarrass myself, I know I should probably listen to my gut but I'm sure I'm just overthinking the situation, I'm pretty good at that. I'm just going to keep walking and keep my head down.

    The car stopped a few yards in front of me. I'm panicking a bit inside, I want to run but my legs won't listen. I think I'm always so high-strung because of my parents. I was always on guard with them, especially with the people they brought home or used to.

      The door to the car in front of me opened, a man stepped out a tall one, he has a hood on, I can't see his face. Maybe he just wants to sell me something or preach the love of god to me. I've never actually seen someone preach to a random person. Maybe he wants some money, and jokes on him I am as broke as the day I was born. No money. He's getting closer.

 "Hello," I smiled at him.

      He just walked past me what a dick. I turned my head to look back with a grimace. As soon as I got a glimpse of his tall stature he was in front of me he grabbed my arm so hard I swear it was going to fall off. He pulled me into a black car that had just pulled up next to us. Weird it's a different one that he got out of. I screamed as loud as I could but I don't think anyone is close enough to hear me. I just happened to be in the least populated part of the city.

     A low growly voice that sent shivers down my spine yelled "Shut the fuck up!"

     The person driving popped the trunk and the man with the hot voice threw me in, he tied my hands and ankles then puts a gag in my mouth. Kinky. He slammed the door shut. He could have cut my head clean off with the force of that slam.

I hate how dark it is back here like he could have bugs in here just waiting to eat my eyeballs right out of my skull.

~~

We've been driving for a couple of hours at least, to be honest, I'm getting tired and sore all cramped up back here, my legs are pulled close to my chest in a fetal position, but I don't think it's safe to fall asleep back here My throat hurts from screaming and my fists feel broken from pounding on the door.

 Doctors and nurses have always told me to be strong when my mom was in the hospital, even though it was her fault. I've never cried when I was in a situation that made me sad or scared I just got shivers down my spine and a weird feeling in the back of my throat like I was choking on something.

                 I don't have a fun happy cookie-cutter life my family is dog shit my dad is an abusive drunk and my mother well she's basically non-existent. I only ever see her when she needs drug money or wants something. I've had a few dreams of being kidnapped and I've read stories of Stockholm syndrome and shit honestly it sounds amazing I've loved every dream I had about it, and the thought of getting away from my nuclear family is mouth-watering. A small part of me is terrified as this could be my last day I have but I've tried to kill myself multiple times I guess I'm just not good at it, so who am I to be scared of death.

I'm not.

       I've never been scared of dying it's a normal part of life. I had gotten over the fear of death and the death of people I love dying when my mom started doing drugs. She had overdosed twice one of those times I was sitting next to her. We keep Narcan in the house for that reason exactly, but she's gone most of the year nodding off in someone else's house or a fucking alley. Good for her she chose to fuck up her life I hope I never see her again.  She cheated on my dad multiple times which I believe is the reason he drinks and takes his anger out on me. I don't blame him, but I don't forgive him. 

         Sometimes my mom would bring me to her friend's houses when I was younger, she left me in the car a few times usually for more than an hour I was always terrified, and sometimes she would bring me in with her. The houses always reeked of cigarette smoke and alcohol, an unsettlingly familiar scent. There would always be one person who would act as if they cared about me and try to make me some food while my mother was in a different room smoking god knows what or having sex with someone she just met. 

      I always felt bad because I knew she was cheating on my dad but I never told him. I couldn't break his heart like that. But I guess it was no use hiding it as he always finds out one way or another. I would always sit on a couch while some nice lady put on a show for me. Usually Spongebob I like that show. 

     The sound of screaming sirens brought me out of my flashback. I jumped and slammed my head against the roof. Ouch. I started kicking at the door and screaming as loud as I could but it was pointless, I heard the sirens fly right past us. God dammit I'm gonna die. I started to cry like a baby who skipped nap time. I was crying so hard my eyes burned and my head was pounding. I curled up into a ball and cried until I had no energy left.