Randomnessnessness when I'm board.

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I'm back
Had a broken hearted few days but just about over it now.
Almost.
Cut for the first time in 3 weeks last night.
It felt good.
Great.
Amazing.
I have the shittiest crappiest worstest life anyone could have. 10 appointments this week. 5-6 is an average week.
My sister has had 8 ambulances in the last few years. Morphine along with gas and air twice in the last few months. My mum had a breakdown a few weeks ago and my dad has had to get two months off work to be able to look after the family.
Yet we somehow stay strong.
We go to the multilateral hospital appointments a day, we manage the regular tears and struggles. We manage the pain, all in different ways, none of which are very good.
I manage being secretly bisexual with crushes the size of the world times 2, and I don't manage being told it won't work. I manage being a young carer, and I manage life thousands of miles away from the one and only person who stops me from committing suicide.
Yet I carry on.
We have one good day, where the pain seems somewhat bearable for a while, and we can be a normal family, doing normal things, but that is only a once in a blue moon opportunity. And even still, the harder we try to make it special, the worse it gets. Maybe why I ended up cutting on Mother's Day. And today. And finding my dads craft knife blade to cut on holiday when I left my blades at home in a desperate attempt to stay clean.
Sorry I ranted.
Pleasenohateifan...

Amy out

:'(