When Remy's roommate suggests that he should try to be a Sugar Baby, Remy is appalled... until he realizes he's buried in student loans. He hates the whole idea of people paying you for sex and he hates the idea of sharing his partner with other guy...
I'm covered in blood, sitting on a chair in the hospital, shaking my leg up and down, unable to understand why nobody would tell me anything.
Every time I ask about Jaxson, the nurse asks if I'm family, but I'm the boyfriend, not the husband, and I'm not quick enough to lie right now, so I end up waiting and fuming, not knowing who to turn to.
Does Jaxson even have family? He said he didn't on our first date.
I take a deep breath and ask the nurse if I can use their phone. I don't know the number, but I can ask information, and if that doesn't work, I can call everyone I can think of, until I find it.
Finally, I have the number and dial it. On the third ring, the voice answers, "Hello? If this is some kind of sales call, I don't – "
"Julian," I croak. "It's Remy."
"What's wrong?"
"It's Jaxson. He got shot. I'm in the hospital."
"Which hospital?" he asks urgently.
"Saint Mary Joseph's," I say. "Julian, does Jaxson have family? They won't tell me how he is, if he's okay, if he's even – " I can't say it.
"Fuck," Julian curses. "I'll be right there."
Well, okay then. I stare at the phone receiver, then give it back to the nurse and go back to the bench where I'd been waiting to hear news. It's one of those metal benches, which is a good thing because there's blood on it.
Blood on me.
In a daze, I go to find a bathroom and stare in the mirror – there is blood all over my hoodie and even my face, from when I held Jaxson.
After he took the bullet, he went down pretty much right away, but the thing is, that bullet should have hit me, not him. He just enveloped me to make sure I didn't get hurt and that's how he got hurt.
The bastard saved me.
Still mostly in shock, I splash water on my face and hands, getting out most of the blood, but the rest of it remains on my clothes. I don't care, I just need to go back to the waiting area and wait to hear if Jaxson is...
Fuck.
...if Jaxson is alive, and if my heart is going to be alive with him.
Some time later, I can't say if it's ten minutes or ten hours, someone touches me on the shoulder and Julian's voice reaches me through the brain fog.
I blink at him. "Julian?"
"Yeah," he says, his face pinched.
"Is he – "
"They're still operating," he says quickly.
"How do you know?"
"Jaxson doesn't have family, so I'm his emergency contact. I also know a doctor here, who told me what's happening."
I nod numbly. "Thank god you're here."
Julian holds me sideways. "God, Remy, what the fuck happened? There's police in front of the hospital, did anyone get arrested?"
I blink away the fog, realizing that there's missing pieces. I think I talked to the police, or maybe I didn't. I just know I came here with Jaxson because I couldn't leave him alone. God, what if he dies? What will I do?
I haven't told him I love him.
"Simon and Mr. Delaney happened," I tell Julian. "They wanted me to sign something, but Jaxson came home and the gun went off."
"The fuck? That doesn't make any sense."
"I'm sorry," I mutter, unable to collect my thoughts right now.
"Shit, I'm sorry, Remy. Don't worry, all right? Jaxson is going to be fine and we'll figure the rest out. I'm here now." He continues to hold me, so I don't fall apart, and I really appreciate it because the brain fog descends again.
***
The next moment I'm aware of is when Julian tells me Jaxson is out of surgery and it was a success, Jaxson is going to live.
Thank fuck!
I think I spend the next few minutes manically crying because I don't know what else to do with myself.
Next Julian and I are taken to a room, where Jaxson lies on a hospital bed, his eyes closed, surrounded by machines, liquid dripping in his veins, and he looks so helpless, like someone can just come and... hurt him.
Not if I can help it.
I just sit next to the bed and take his hand, waiting for him to wake up.
When Julian suggests I take a break, I tell him I'll do that when Jaxson wakes the fuck up. I think I yelled at him, which I now regret, but I can't be bothered to be nice when all of my usual filters are out of commission.
Jaxson is here, he is hurt, and I will fucking sit here in this chair until he opens his eyes, and that's that. Julian brings me water and a pudding and helps me change my hoodie, which I actually appreciate, but I don't move from the chair. A lot of hours pass and I even find myself dozing off because when I open my eyes next, another pair of eyes, blue ones, are staring at me.
"Jaxson," I croak. "You're awake."
He blinks and frowns. God, I never thought I'd be so happy to see him frown. I get closer to the bed and squeeze his hand. "Hey," I say.
He tries to smile, but he's not quite there. "Hi," he croaks.
I give him some water and he coughs.
"Jaxson?" I ask. "Do you know who I am?"
He coughs some more. "Of course I fucking know – " cough " – who you fucking are, Remy."
I laugh. "Thank god, because I've read too many books where the main hero loses his memories, and most specifically doesn't remember his boyfriend or husband, and then it's really awkward for the boyfriend or husband."
I'm babbling.
"You're ridiculous," he grunts, but manages a real smile this time.
I relax.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine, you're the one who got shot. Are you crazy? You are never allowed to do that again, got it? I'll add it to the contract."
He chuckles, then coughs. "Okay, baby, we'll add it."
I bite my lip. I am embarrassingly close to crying.
"Hey," he grunts. "Come here."
I lean closer to him and he manages to cop a quick kiss on the lips, making me feel better. If he can smile and knows who I am, then he's going to be okay, right? Feeling marginally better, I press my forehead against our joined hands and let out the breath I'd been holding this whole time.
I can breathe again.
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