The Joy is in The Process

Watching The X-Files

As far as he can see, Cas never lives up to his promise to talk to Dean. Christmas turns into New Year's, which turns into Dean's 16th birthday, which leads to spring, Sam turning 12, and graduating from elementary school. During all of this time there is an undercurrent of awkwardness each time Sam walks in the room and Dean and Cas are together.

He knows there's something strange going on, because he barely sees them anymore. They are together constantly and hardly notice the rest of the world around them. Sam finds this irritating, since he feels as though he's lost his brother and his best friend in Cas.

The summer passes without Sam's treasured visits to the lake. Cas takes him once when Dean is stuck helping John work on his truck one hot afternoon. It doesn't feel the same, though. Cas is distracted and they have a conversation about the upcoming season of The X-Files and how Sam is going to like middle school, but Cas seems at a loss to speak about much more.

Then it's September and the start of school for all of them again. Sam does like being in middle school, and he's even more grateful that he actually knows some classmates this time around. Dean and Sam are comfortable where they are and John recognizes it. For the first time in years they stay rooted and get to attend school in the same district.

Sam tries to talk to Dean about Cas and how strange everything's been, but Dean hates talking about feelings more than he hates pretty much anything, ever. Dean has shared even his most personal moments with Sam for years, but this time he won't confide in him. Sam can't understand why he keeps it all bottled up — they know each other inside and out, so why wouldn't Dean want to talk to him? Dean says it's because 12-year-olds shouldn't have to worry about teenage problems yet, but Sam knows better. He can tell when Dean will be ready to spill his guts. He just has to be patient.

As it happens, Sam doesn't have to wait long.

It's November, and John is out late one Friday night with the bowling league. His team made the semi-finals and it's all he's been talking about. Sam tries to be supportive, but it's bowling. Sometimes he wishes his Dad was more exciting.

When Cas shows up after John is gone, Sam immediately figures Cas and Dean will be hanging out the entire night and they'll forget all about him. He's sullen over them excluding him, but when they invite him to sit down on the couch and watch The X-Files, he's elated.

"Are you sure?" Sam asks tentatively, taking his place on the couch. "All you guys have done since last year is ignore me."

"Aww, is widdle Sammy feelin' left out?" Dean asks, ruffling Sam's hair.

"Shut up, Dean," Sam answers, waving him off. "It's true."

As usual, it's Cas and his typically honest nature that gives Sam some explanation.

"We're sorry, Sam," Cas says. "We didn't purposely ignore you. There's much that has been going on."

Dean looks over at Cas and scowls.

"Like what?" Sam asks, glancing back and forth between the two of them.

"Stuff," Dean says.

"What stuff?"

"Do you wanna watch your Sully and Mulder with us or do you wanna go to bed?"

"It's Scully, Dean, and it's Friday. I can go to bed whenever I want."

"Oh no, you can't. I already told Dad I'd make sure you were in bed by 11."

"But, Dean, that's — "

Dean holds up his hand. "I told Dad."

"Fine," Sam answers, knowing he's been defeated. Dad's word is law.

He doesn't let what he considers an early bedtime ruin his good mood, though. It's like old times when Sam and Cas make Dean vow not to talk during the show or ask any questions until the commercials.

"I can't believe you guys are still watchin' this show," Dean says as a car ad pops up on screen. "I don't know what the hell is goin' on."

"You can't appreciate how good it is if you don't follow the mythology," Cas says.

"I can't even follow one scene to the next, much less the mythology."

"You're hopeless, Dean," Sam says with a grin.

Dean is in the middle of the couch as designated popcorn holder, because he's always happier when he's eating. Sam is on his right and Cas on his left, the same way the three of them used to do everything together. Sam is practically bouncing with giddiness over it.

When the episode is over Dean takes control of the remote and starts flipping. Dean can go through hundreds of channels over and over and never watch any program for more than a few minutes. Sam and Cas know him well enough that they both realize this is the perfect time to talk.

"Have you been thinkin' about what college you wanna go to, Cas? I know Dad was talkin' to Dean about it."

"Pfft, college," Dean mumbles.

"Most large universities have accounting programs. I have yet to narrow down my choices," Cas says.

"Accounting?"

"Yes."

"I thought you wanted to be an FBI agent," Dean says.

"I do."

"You don't need to go to college," Dean says, still flipping. "You can be a cop here in town and then be an FBI agent or whatever."

"I already have my career path planned out. First I'll get an undergraduate accounting degree. Then a master's. Then I'll sit for the CPA exam, go through the FBI's accounting entry program, meet the bureau's physical requirements, and finally pass the background check. I can then be sworn in as a special agent."

"Wow," Sam says.

"I've done some research."

"I thought you could just go and sign up," Dean says.

"It's not the drama club, Dean," Sam answers, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, Sammy."

"With your grades you'll get into any school you want, I bet," Sam says.

"I hope that's the case."

"How come you never told me any of this, Cas?" Dean asks.

"I don't know. You never asked."

Dean doesn't have anything to say to that, and Sam and Cas continue talking. He catches Cas up on his first year of middle school, on which teachers he likes and which he doesn't, and the friends he's made. Then Dean finds a movie they've only missed 15 minutes from, and the rest of the night passes by much too quickly for Sam's liking.