Desiderium

Reflection

     Tommy was weightless. It was dark around him, but it was a soothing darkness. Tommy found he didn't mind the black surrounding him at all. It was peaceful, simply floating in the darkness. He felt as if he were there and somewhere else at the same time, teetering right in-between the line of existence and death. When Tommy tried to recall how he had gotten here, he found he couldn't remember. Rather than being concerned at his lack of knowledge of the place, he decided to go back to simply not thinking. It was easier than worrying about trivial things, such as how he came to be in such a peaceful place as this. What mattered was that he was now in a place of peace, safe, and free from his own suffocating thoughts. He smiled softly, content to stay in the comforting void.

     They say nothing good lasts forever, Tommy knew that better than anyone, but he thought that at least this moment would have lasted a bit longer.

     It felt like Tommy had been floating in that void forever, but when the darkness started fading, and he could hear the soft splash of ocean water, it still felt too soon to leave. Tommy laid there for awhile, hoping if he simply refused to open his eyes, whatever force had taken him from the void would simply give up and put him back. But as he slowly became more and more aware of his surroundings, it became painfully clear to him that he would have to wake up. His eyes fluttered open, and he was surprised to find that his eyes didn't have the usual groggy feeling he would normally get after a long sleep. He then waited a few moments before sitting up, wincing when he immediately felt light-headed. Wait. That wasn't just his head, he realized his entire body felt nearly weightless. He felt as if he could float away at any moment, or be picked up by a breeze, but oddly enough, he stayed planted safely on the ground. Odd. Tommy didn't spend much time thinking about it, instead opting to standing up and looking around, curious to see where he was. That curiosity quickly turned to confusion as he looked around.

     Where was this place?

     The first thing he noticed was the huge one-block pillar towering over him. It reached high up into the sky, Tommy couldn't even see the top. Tommy continued looking around, pausing when he saw a crater in the ground. It was covered in ash, and there was splintered wood littered everywhere. Tommy took in a sharp breath, he didn't recognize anything here, but the longer he looked, the bigger the pool of dread in his chest seemed to grow. He had no clue about what could've happened to the place, but something inside of Tommy was screaming at him, telling him that this place was not safe. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and shifted his weight, freezing when he recognized the sound of splintering glass under his feet. His lifted his shoe warily, only to find a compass laying harmlessly on the ground. Tommy slowly picked it up, noticing the faint shimmer around it that seemed to indicate the item was enchanted.

     Who did this compass belong to? The blonde looked around, the fear in his chest growing when he confirmed that he was indeed alone. He flipped the compass over, surprised to find writing engraved onto the back. It read, "Your Tubbo". Something inside of Tommy's chest ached at reading that name, feelings of happiness and betrayal battling inside of him as his mind struggled to remember who this "Tubbo" even is. The name felt familiar. "Tubbo..." Tommy whispered, the name leaving a bitter taste of sadness on his tongue. Had Tommy known him? Tommy shook his head, dropping the compass back into the dirt. Whoever that compass belonged too, he wouldn't want to steal it.

     That's when Tommy noticed his hands. They were pale. Too pale- he could almost see right through the- Wait. He could see through them. Tommy could see through his own arms. Tommy held his own hands together, brows furrowed. His hands, felt solid, but not fully there? He narrowed his eyes, focusing, and his hands phased right through each other. "What the fuck?..." Tommy whispered quietly. He hurried over to the ocean shore near him, not wasting anytime in peering at the water to see his reflection. Tommy's breath hitched at what he saw. It was dark out, but even then you could still clearly tell. There was no mistaking what his reflection showed him.

     Tommyinnit was a ghost.

     Now that he thought about it...it made sense. The weightless sensation he felt. The lack of hunger or fatigue. The confusion... But, how did he die in the first place? Tommy looked around, searching for whatever could of caused his death. His eyes landed on the crater in the ground. Had he died in an explosion? Or drowned in the ocean? No...neither of those felt right. Tommy paused, remembering the pillar next to him. He took in a breath quickly, his body remembering the sensation of falling as he looked up at the pillar. He didn't know how, but he knew it. That's how Tommy had died.

     He had jumped.

      Tommy felt as if he should have cared more when he realized that. Wouldn't it be more normal to feel sad if...you had jumped? But Tommy couldn't bring himself to care, maybe if he had known why he jumped, maybe if he had known what drove him to that, he would have felt something. But Tommy didn't know what happened. Wait...

     Tommy didn't know what happened... he couldn't remember why he had jumped. But as he thought of that he realized he couldn't remember anything at all. His memories we're a blank void, with only the sad feelings those lost memories left behind to fill the empty hole he felt in his chest. And it felt oh so very wrong to have everything missing. He knew he was Tommy, his mind had given him that at least. But he felt empty without any of his memories to tell him what made Tommy, Tommy. Letting out a shaky breath, Tommy pushed his thoughts away. He needed to get out of wherever this place was, so Tommy took the most logical option... and headed in a randomly chosen direction.