Love me 'Til it Hurts

Chapter 14 - Hope

An Hour Later...
Jeremy Irvine...

The aroma of garlic and herbs and vegetables blended with the sweet scent of the jasmine rice I had boiling on the stove. Vegetable fried rice was one of the quickest and easiest dishes that I knew how to cook. I am not a chef by any stretch of the imagination but in this house, we always followed the 'not it' rule and I had lost fair and square. Reaching for the small glass of white rice vinegar I had set aside and dropped it into the pain with the sauté vegetables - grates carrot, onions, green beans, beansprouts, sweetcorn, scallions, and mushrooms.

My mind however was still stuck on Jensen - my best friend was the least subtle person I knew. When he followed me out here, he asked questions that screamed he was fishing, which meant that he knew something was going on, whether he had his suspicions about it being about my love for his little sister, remains to be seen. I answered his questions as best as I could while remaining as vague as possible.

The thing is my best friend isn't stupid and therein lies the problem. If he were slightly less bright, I would have been able to get away with my vague answers without him becoming more suspicious. However, no matter how desperately I wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling, I couldn't. I wouldn't blow up my friendship when I am unsure of how Juliette truly feels. Because if she decides that she just can't forgive me - I can find a way to push it all away and still have my best friend, right?

If I were to lose both of them - then what would be the point of remaining in town? If I lost them both, I would really have nothing. I can't allow that to happen. I won't allow that to happen. So, for now, I have to keep my feelings close to my chest, especially around Jensen.

Juliette knows how I feel - the ball is in her court now. As hard as that is to accept, I have to push my need to dominate aside and let her come to me of her own accord, right?

"Mmmm, vegetable fried rice?" Rayne moaned softly as she peered over my shoulder to see what I was rustling up for dinner, "nice!"

"Glad you approve," I chuckled softly as I stirred the rice.

"Of fried rice? Always!" She grinned as she moved to my side, her back resting against the counter-top, looking out to the back deck where Jensen, Juliette and Cal were sitting, after Jensen decided that we were going to eat outside, "what are you doing Remy?"

"Huh?" I looked pointedly at the food I was preparing.

"You told Jules you love her?" Her tone was pitched low, which I was definitely thankful for. And of course, Juliette told Rayne about my confession.

Why hadn't I thought about Rayne knowing? The girls were closer than sisters and they shared everything with one another - I should have realised before now that Juliette would have told her about what I said.

"Mmmm,"

"Why would you tell her that Remy? What is your end-game here?" She asked me, the tone to her whisper was definitely frighteningly defensive. Of course, it was. The girls were fiercely loyal to one another.

What was my end-game? To spend the rest of my life with Juliette. To marry her. To love her every second of every day. To never take her for granted because to live without her is killing me. I ache for her in ways that feel both like Heaven and Hell.

"End-game? Ray this isn't a game, I am deadly serious in how I feel about Jules-"

"Since when?"

"That's not fair Ray!" I growled, keeping my voice as low as possible, "you know why I had to leave-"

"Of course I know why you had to leave, what I have a problem with, is the way in which you chose to leave - you could have explained things to Jules before disappearing with the night, you could have talked to her a million times over the past 5 years, you could have sent her a message on social media - face it Jeremy, there are a hundred ways you could have handled things, and each one is infinitely better than the way you did actually handled things!"