Wish I Was Home

Louis

I'd been fighting feelings for Harry since day one. I didn't want to be different than the lads, I wanted to like girls just as I always had. But Harry was different. I protected him, I cuddled him when he needed it and yes sometimes when he didn't. I liked touching him and his hair and I knew sometimes my hair touching annoyed him but I did it anyhow. Everything about Harry attracted me to him. His smile, his laugh, everything!

Recently, the attraction had become too much for me to handle. I had almost kissed him earlier in the day and that was what brought me to Zayn's flat.

Earlier
"What do you wanna do today Haz?" I asked him after we finished our morning teas.

"I don't know," he said and gave me a smile.

I stood and put my cup in the sink and turned around and ran directly into Harry. He held my arm with one hand and had his cup in the other.

We looked at each other for a long while. It wasn't an awkward stare down but it was like a silent discussion was being had using only our eyes.

I felt our faces begin to move closer to each other and when I felt his breath on my lips I panicked and rushed around him and out the door. "Going to Zayn's," I called to him and shut the door, leaving Harry standing there.

"So what's the problem? You think he don't likes you back?"

"I think we almost kissed earlier," I told Zayn.

"What?" Zayn asked with wide eyes. "What happened?"

I told him about our almost kiss in the kitchen and how I left him standing there alone. "I'm an idiot," I said.

"You need to tell him," Zayn said. "I think you'll find he feels the same way."

"What if he don't? And it ruins our friendship?" That was my biggest fear. Not rejection, that I could handle, but not having Harry as anything if I told him. The thought of losing him completely scared the shit out of me.

Zayn shook his head and chuckled. "You two are dumb. Both of you. You've been flirting with each other for months and neither have made any move to tell the other? Why is that Louis? You both flirt. You flirt with him a bit more than he does with you. But it's not the flirting with Harry. We see how he looks at you. He looks at you like you hung the damn moon just for him. So why not tell him?"

"I'm afraid," I admitted.

"He's your person," Zayn said.

"Creeper," I laughed.

"You twos conversations were never private in that tiny room," Zayn laughed.

"So do you all know?"

"Of course," Zayn said. "We all know about the crush you two have denied for what a year now? Go tell him already."

I jumped up then bent down and kissed his cheek. I had always been an affectionate person and I kissed the lads often. They were ok with me kissing them and were used to it. Zayn wiped his cheek right after I kissed him as usual. "Get off." He laughed.

"Love you too," I said as I rushed out the door of his room and out the front door I had left open. Oops.

I rushed back to mine and Harry's flat. "Harry!" I yelled once inside with the door shut.

He didn't answer so I went from room to room looking for him. He wasn't home. Damnit. I finally had the courage to tell him and he was nowhere to be found.

"Boo?" I was awoken by Harry shaking me and calling me by my nickname. I had fallen asleep on his bed. When I looked up he wore a smile revealing his dimples. "You're on my bed," he said.

"I was looking for you," I said rubbing my eyes. "I must have fallen asleep here."

He shrugged it off. Some things I did were abnormal to others but to Harry, I was just Louis. "Let's go out tonight. Me, you, and the boys."

It appeared he had forgotten about our almost kiss from earlier. Maybe I should forget about it too. Maybe it wasn't even an almost kiss? Maybe I had imagined the whole thing.

"Uh yeah sure," I said. I would rather just stay home with Harry, maybe watch a move, maybe kiss him?

Ugh... I really was acting like a girl.

We went to a pub down from our complex so we could walk there and walk home. We weren't all old enough to drink but that hadn't stopped us in the past. Only I was old enough. The perks of being in a band was just that... you could drink even if you weren't old enough.

"Let's dance," Harry said swishing his drink around and spilling some of it on the table. I knew he was drunk that was the only time he ever wanted to dance. Because let's face it, none of us were particularly good dancers.

Zayn hit my leg with his knee under the table so I finished my beer and stood. "Ok Haz, let's dance." I shot Zayn a quick look and he smiled at me while raising his eyebrows to me. I shook my head and followed Harry onto the dance floor.

We were dancing stupidly with girls all around us. One cocky girl made her way between us and began dancing with Harry. Her hands were all over him and she had her whole body against his and he appeared to be enjoying himself.

I left the dance floor, broken hearted with jealousy raging through me. Zayn had to have misread Harry because he was enjoying his dance with the girl. I had misread Harry. He wasn't gay. Harry was as straight as they came and I was a fool.

"I'm going home," I told the boys when I reached the table. "You'll make sure Harry gets home, yeah?"

"We got him," Zayn said giving me a sympathetic smile.

Niall and Liam gave me the same look before I turned from them and made my way out of the pub.

Yeah, they all knew I was crushing on Harry. Their faces showed that.