[TAC] THREE'S A CROWD

Chapter 21*

New nods again, his lips seemingly sown together and preventing him from speaking.

"New..." Tay says a bit weakly as he struggles to bring his eyes back up to New's again. "Please, talk to me. Say something. Let me know you understand."

New takes a while to part his lips, now casting his eyes somewhere else and tuning in the sounds of everyone talking around them. "Okay," he replies quietly.

In his peripheral he can see that Tay nods his head once and then turns back forward, flipping one of the pages of his notebook. New lets out a breath of relief, because he thinks Tay's done torturing him. He's wrong.

"Are you..." Tay starts, speaking cautiously so as to not press any buttons. "Are you...uh, I know it's none of my business. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Something dings in New's mind and suddenly he's pretty sure he knows what Tay's going to ask. He holds his breath and braces himself for it---right before the bell for the end of class rings.

New immediately shoves everything into his backpack and moves to stand up. He tries to disguise himself as a guy casually getting ready to go to his next class, but he knows he appears to be nothing but a hurried mess.

He's just slipped both of his straps over his shoulders and is about a foot away from Tay when the boy decides to speak anyway.

"Are you...seeing Off?" he asks, his deep, gruff voice somehow turning insecure and soft.

New turns around, one hand lingering on the strap of his backpack as he meets Tay's eyes. The boy is noticeably trying not to wince as he maintains eye contact.

New can see it. He can see all the hurt hidden behind Tay's eyes, and he despises himself because he knew. He fucking knew how much it would hurt Tay, and he can't act surprised now.

In the back of his mind through his whole experience with Off, there was a whisper telling him this would crush Tay's heart if he ever found out. New ignored it, however, opting to give into his overwhelming lust and deal with all the other stuff later. He brought this upon himself, and now he feels like a horrible person, watching Tay resemble a bruised koala right before his eyes.

So he does the one thing he knows will keep Tay from breaking down in front of everybody. Keep New from living with the fact that he's actively hurting the person he's in love with.

"No," New replies, before immediately taking his bottom lip in between his teeth and looking at a point beyond Tay's head.

A moment passes, Tay staring straight through New as New stares somewhere else, and then Tay finally nods. He doesn't do anything else but nod, before swinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking away.

New remains in the same spot as he listens to the sound of Tay's footsteps leaving the classroom.

New lets out a sigh of relief, even though he knows what he's done isn't moral. He just relishes in the feeling of not having to deal with all of that stuff now. He refuses to be the one present when Tay finds out---that is, if he ever finds out. He doesn't have to find out, does he?

The next few days are a little different, but New can't quite pinpoint why. He and Tay had only spoken to each other twice since the breakup, but now it seems like they're "not speaking" even harder, if that makes sense. Tay starts to ignore New's presence so much that New himself even has to stop and ask himself if he exists. The only thing that reminds him of such is the fact that Off pays him any attention.

Tay had said himself that there were no hard feelings, so why is it different now?

To top it all off and confirm New's sudden sense of things shifting between them, a week later, when Mr. Niti tells them once again to turn to the people around them and discuss, it becomes clear as day. New immediately braces himself for Tay to ambush him again, but instead, the boy easily turns to the girl on the other side of him and proceeds to have a conversation.

It takes New by surprise a bit, but he knows he can't complain. This is what he wanted. He pretty much dissociates every time Tay acknowledges him now, which has been a total of two times, so why would he want Tay to talk to him?

It's just that Tay had no problem talking to him before, so why did he choose now to turn to the person on the other side of him and ignore New completely?

Maybe New is reading into it too much. Just because they don't have hard feelings towards one other, doesn't mean they have to partner up for every class discussion. This is how normal people who don't date act toward each other, so maybe New just needs to get used to it.

Except he can't. The fact that he and Tay are normal people that don't date each other is something he wishes weren't true. It doesn't make sense. It'll never make sense.

~*~