Rainbows in the Night Sky

Everything I Wish I Knew

After knocking for a while, I picked up the letter that he had slid underneath his door. The pencil was smudged, and the handwriting was sloppy. It looked like he had just wrote it. My hands started to shake as I read the contents of the letter. 

"Dear Hunter,

I know I acted out the other day. I'm truly sorry. You see, it was, in fact, the girl that was the issue. There were many factors that were causing me to be a bit irrational, but that was the main one. She's so pretty, smart, and sweet. She's perfect for you. And I'm not mad that you are happy with her. I'm jealous. Not jealous because you have a girlfriend, but jealous because I want to be her. Yeah, big shocker, I'm gay :) I didn't exactly know how to tell you that in person, so I hope you don't judge me after finding that out.

 I see how happy you are with her, and I wonder why you are never that happy with me. I realize that you are straight; you clearly don't like men. And you're my childhood best friend. Two factors that obviously are an obstacle for us to ever be anything more than friends. I tried my hardest to show you my interest as soon as I found it. That's why I enjoyed the stargazing so much. I thought it would be a good time for us to bond, while I got to do something that I enjoyed. It was our thing. I was fine with the fact that you had a girlfriend. That was because you two had your own thing, and you kept it separate from our thing. When those two things combined, I got jealous, and acted out against those thoughts. I want you to be happy, and I think I am taking that away from you. 

Every time I see you do something with Grace that I wish I could do with you, from hearing you say "I love you," to spending every moment of your lives together, I take a small part of my self away from the world. Those small parts on my wrist may hurt upon their first contact with the knife, but for no longer than few seconds. It is nothing compared to the damage my heart has taken from the whole experience.

So, I'll say it nice and clear for you now, something that ill never have the chance to say again, "I love you, Hunter, and I want to be more than friends." It may sound sappy and all that, but you're everything to me. I want you to remember that, even though I won't be there to tell it to you. I have included a picture of us for you to have, if you ever start to miss me. It's time for me to go home. To my real home, among my mother, and all those lost souls that have found themselves in the night sky. Goodbye Hunter, give my best regards to the stars, and take care until we meet again. 

-Love, your former best friend, Jackson :) <3" 

The second I got done reading the letter, I ignored the tears which were flowing from my eyes and the pain that i felt in my chest, and burst open the door. I threw the telescope to the side, realizing there was a bigger issue than that. There stood Jackson, gun to his head. A sad smile appeared on his face for no longer than a second, and then he was gone. I had rushed to his side, but it was too late. The gunshot was ringing through my ears. I noticed now the cuts along his wrists, some that were fresh and still bleeding. I noticed the razor on his desk, beside a bloody pencil. 

I stood in shock as I viewed the horrific sight below me. My best friend was gone. All because of... me? I thought about it for a good second. It was indeed my fault. 

If I hadn't brought Grace around, he wouldn't have felt left out. He would still be here. I sobbed, my voice too weak and my body too shaky to call 911. I lifted his head in my hands, not caring about the blood that was flowing from it. 

Assuming he had heard the gunshot, Jackson's father entered his room, awoken by the sound, and he was screaming with horror. I continued to cry as he hauled him away from me, and before I knew it, he was being loaded into the back of a hearse, and I was dressing into a black suit for his funeral. 

One event led to the next, and I was standing beside his final resting place, his casket covered with dirt. His tombstone read, "He will always be with us among the stars." And I knew that was true. 

Feeling like most of this was Grace's fault, I broke up with her. I know that it hurt her, but I needed time to recognize what had really happened, and I figured that it would be best if she wasn't around. She had, after all, caused Jackson to feel inferior to her. 

Two days after I saw Jackson for the last time, I visited the field. It was the first time I had been back since his death. Peering up at the night sky, I saw a beauty that brightened my pain on the situation. A single rainbow lit up the sky, lining the stars perfectly. I smiled as I pictured Jackson, proudly representing the nighttime phenomenon. 

I pulled the photo out of my pocket that Jackson had attached to the letter. He had somehow gotten a recent photo of us, enjoying the nighttime sky. We were both so happy. I imagined him beside me at that moment. A tear escaped from my eye and made it's descent down my cheek. 

"Your heart and your memory with remain a part of me until the day I die," I sighed. "Until we meet again, King."