Hired By An Asexual

Stories For A Rainy Day

"Angel, if you don't settle down and stop flipping over the furniture cushions in search of spider eggs, I'm going to give you a reason to be worried about them."

Alastor threatens from the kitchen table.

I look at him with my hands on my hips and a glare on my face.

"Like I don't already? Dere were six spiders in dat web. Six. Not one. Not two. Six! Six, fully grown, giant ass spiders! I ain't givin' up till I make sure dere ain't any more mad n' hairy man eatin' monsters hidden!"

I continue to search for more spiders so Al can get rid of them.

"What I mean is, I will summon them. Enchant them so that they march straight to your room and follow you everywhere."

I go still as a statue in the middle of checking the drapes.

I then slowly turn my head and glare at him again.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, but I would."

"You prick."

"I am not an act of slightly piercing something."

"Oh, wow. I ain't never heard dat one before. At least you know what creativity is."

I cross my arms and simply look out the window this time.

"I've made tea, if you want some."

"No, ya boiled water in a kettle. Tea includes leaves and other herbs and dried plants. Ya added none of dat."

"I poured hot water over a teabag."

"Ok. So you made tea for yourself."

"I'm willing to make some for you as well."

I shrug.

"I suppose I wouldn't mind a cup."

"Alright. What kind?"

"Chamomile with honey."

"Ah. A fine choice for a rainy day."

Just then, the power goes out.

I chuckle.

"A rainy day with no power. In a cabin in da woods."

I look at Alastor.

"With a serial killer."

I add.

Alastor chuckles at this observation.

"My, my. Sounds like a horror story."

I turn around, putting on a realistically nervous expression and calling out in a creeped out voice,

"Hello? Is anybody dere?"

Alastor chuckles, low and dark. A perfect villain.

"Yes. I'm in the kitchen. Would you like some tea?"

We bust out laughing until we're coughing.

"Anyway, serial killer aside, I was dinkin about da old, old days. Cottages, knights, wizards..."

"A threat of being killed hanging over your head for more than being a demon."

"Gee, danks Al."

"No problem, my dear."

"Whatever."

I go back to staring out the window.

A few minutes later, Al comes up to me with a steaming cup of tea.

"Since we have little to do for entertainment, why don't we swap stories?"

"Ya don't wanna play chess or somethin'?"

"Maybe later. I'm currently in the mood for stories. I'm sure you have plenty. More than I can even think of."

"Yeah, but how many are actually entertainin'?"

He shrugs.

"I wouldn't know. Just tell me the first story that comes to mind."

I think for a while.

"You're right. I do have quite a few stories... Which one should I start with?"

"Any of them."

"Ok... Pick a time period."

"I've always been fascinated by the 1920s."

"Da roarin' 20s, huh? Ok..."

I look through my mental memory log for stories from the 20s I can tell him.

"I got drunk with a friend."

"During the alcohol ban?"

"You're a serial killer."

"Point taken."

"Anyway, I was in New Orleans, around da time of Marti Gras.  We had taken a bottle of alcohol to dis spot near da bayou. My friend practiced Voodoo. Well, dabbled in it rather. Not real wise, but some people don't listen ta shit. Anyhow, here we are, drunk off our ass. I know it's hard ta believe since I'm a demon, but I can get drunk. It just takes more. So we're drunk, and dese teenagers come waltzin' into da woods and gettin' real close ta were we were. So what do we do? Scurry up da tree as fast as we could without bein' detected. Da last ding we needed was ta be caught. And not just with alcohol. See, we were happy drunks. Real friendly. He wasn't inta me or anyding. But folks back den... Dey didn't care.

And like you said alcohol was illegal anyway, so even if dey realized we were drunk we'd still be in trouble.

As da teens were gettin' closer, I started ta here what dey were sayin'. Somethin' 'bout magic, demons, and summonings. At first I thought my dumbass friend had been caught. He didn't summon me, but he had tried communicating with da dead or somethin'. I don't know. I don't dink dats somethin' you can do with Voodoo, but I don't know. Anyway, dey mentioned hearin weird noises. Chantin', whisperin', glass shattering'. Dat one was random. And random catches people's attention. So den we really started listenin'. At dis point, da bottle was empty. So no one had any qualms when I waited till one of dem started ta chant ta smash da bottle on the side of da tree. Dey all screamed and started sprintin' out of dere as fast as dey could go. As soon as dey were out of earshot, we doubled over laughin'. Still one of da funniest dings I remember."

By the time I finish the story, Al's laughing almost as hard as my friend and I were back then.

"Sounds like something I would do."

He admits between breaths as he tries to stop laughing.

"Hey, maybe we should prank call some people sometime." I suggest.

"I would love that, my dear."

"Later, of course. When all dis mess is over with."

Alastor agrees silently by nodding.

"That would be the best time. Meanwhile, it's still storming."

"I'd like to hear a story from you now, Smiles."

"And what would you like to hear about?"

I think an this for only a few seconds before I have my answer.

"Tell me how you met Cherri."

He smiles more widely.

"You do seem rather fond of her already. Nothing much to tell. We went to the same elementary school. She, obviously wasn't anywhere near as wild back then. She was still a handful though. Kept getting into trouble and I had to bail her out. This continued all the way up till college."

I laugh. After that, we kept exchanging stories until we got bored. Then we played pranks on each other since the power was still out by bedtime.
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The story Anthony told is heavily inspired by a part from I'll Be Seeing You by Travis Tea.

travisTea_, if you want me to change that part of the chapter I will. Just let me know.

Thank you for reading.