All to well

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Your (P.O.V.)
I feel like as if I'm not worthy being loved. I'm not good enough for anyone to date me. I'm good enough just to be messed around with or just hang out with for a hand full of times. Let's just say the honeymoon phase ends quickly. He's slowly starts to slip away.

He told you he didn't wanna date. But you have to understand because of his pass and such. He saying he doesn't wanna lead you on but he already did. You know this all too well. The same bullshit excuses all the time. I feel like men read the same guide book on how to be a dick. Or how to hurt a girl's feelings and make her emotionally invested in you when you were not emotionally invested in her.

You do everything that couples do you just don't have the title. Meaning he can talk to whoever he wants and you can do the same. That might be freedom for some people and even a good thing for some. But for you it's not you can't like multiple people at the same time. You can't talk to multiple guys at the same time either. When I like someone I really like them meaning I can't talk to other people personally.

The person seems to consume your thoughts and you start to overthink do they really care about you. Am I being annoying did they even like you? Are they just bored is that why they're spending time with you. Then you're always the one making plans. You always are the one initiating things. I'm tired of being that person. The outcome is always the same.

It's so fucking hopeless. I'm not worthy of being loved by anyone. I already know that for sure. It sucks to think about but it's the truth. I try so hard and nothing comes out of it. I wanna stop talking to him so I can move on but I just can't. I like spending time with him I like talking to him. I also really like him obviously. I'm not good enough to be anyone's significant other. But I guess I'm good enough to play pretend for short amount of time. It almost feels like a free trial. It last less than 30 days. Then it's just over.

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