We've Met Before

22 - June Tenth Pt.2

GABBY

I should've stayed home. I should be tucked away in my bed by now, offering myself up to whatever measly sleep I can get. Instead, I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots who talk about nothing but football and warming the fucking bench.
    I take a sip out of my cup, watching as Kaia stands so happily beside Cade. She must like it. She must enjoy this entire thing. Every guy in the circle is practically drooling all over her, of course, too intimidated to do anything about it because of the quarterback beside her.
    I wonder what it's like to be so oblivious.
    Sometimes I think that if I were as stupid as her, or at least pretending to be, that I'd be much happier.
    I take another sip of my cup, realizing it it's completely empty. I peer down into the plastic lining, staring at what should be there.
    This cup should be full. This cup should have liquid inside of it because I filled it up earlier.
    Yet it's empty.
    I need to go refill it again
"Can you come with me to get another drink?" I say, hoping he'll just nod and get me another drink.
He doesn't.
"Babe, you're a big girl. You can go by yourself right?" Cade chuckles, staring at me as if I've asked him the dumbest question he's ever heard. As if it's a question so stupid, that he shouldn't have to answer for.
He used to be so different. At least in the beginning. He used to be so gentle, and caring. He used to let me sleep over when my parents were arguing, the smell of his sheets bringing me comfort.
I guess he got bored.
I swallow, my eyes burning between rage and humiliation.
Don't cry. It won't benefit you to cry. Not now.
"Go get your girlfriend a fucking drink." I freeze, staring at the man on Kaia's arm.
Everyone goes silent, watching as Gale's eyes widen slightly in fear. His hands tremble to catch for my arm, tugging me along to the keg stand.
I look behind, seeing him stare at Kaia. She smiles at him.
I look once more at Cade.
He didn't need to do that. In fact, it would've looked better on him if he didn't, but he still did. I can't tell who I envy more, Kaia, or him.
They're both people who manage to do things so easily. They talk, and stand, and talk a little more, and the room seems to revolve around them.
Gale's hand starts to squeeze at my wrists, his nails digging into me.
A habit he's grown into recently.
"Gale, you're hurting me," I mumble, trying to pry his hand off me.
"You deserve to hurt a little. Don't ya think?" He snatches the red cup out of my hand, filling it underneath the keg. His hand shakes in anger, his face turning a deep red color. "You just don't know how to keep your mouth shut do you?"
I laugh, almost hoping he's joking. Praying he's joking because god I'm about to cry. "I just wanted a fucking drink, Gale."
"You're already drunk enough. You're a goddamn mess. I told you to wear something hotter."
I look down at my t-shirt and shorts.
"I feel lucid as ever. Lucid enough to know you're being a dick right now. I'm leaving." I grab the cup and chug it all down, feeling the liquid deep into my throat, my intoxicated blood running through my veins.
I throw the cup on the floor, smashing it with my sneaker, and storming off onto the front porch.
I hear Gale's footsteps behind me, treading harshly as if he's trying to scare me. I feel someone hold onto my wrist, keeping me back from moving any further.
Gale's lips are formed into a scowl, and his hair is messy, and the palms of his hands are white. I'm scared, but scared won't do me any good right now.
"Don't fucking leave. Breakup with me when we get back home, but not right now." He sounds desperate, holding onto whatever fucking piece of me is left.
In some sick, twisted, deranged way maybe he does love me. The same way my mother loved my father, and the same way my father loved my mother.
He's begging me to stay. What else could I want?
"I can't. Not anymore, Gale." I feel my voice break, and I want to dig a hole and step inside it and pass out.
"You're such a fucking bitch. I'm telling you to stay and you won't? I'm telling you how you can change and you won't listen to me." He's hysterical, on the brink of insanity.
    I can't help but feel victorious in some way shape or form. I can't help but feel triumphant that even after he tried proving that I wasn't shit to him, I'm the one making him exasperated. Kaia Turner might give him a hard-on, but I'm the one driving him mad, making him scream to the top of his lungs. He doesn't collect seashells with me, he shouts and cusses with me.
    Maybe this is love, maybe it isn't.
    "Can you fucking hear yourself? I'm not a fucking rag doll! I'm not Kaia Turner. I don't follow your rules and your fucking orders like a dog!" I lean closer to him, daring him to spit something stupid to my fucking face.
    "What? Because I suggested a simple idea? Loosen the fuck up Gabby! Maybe you should take a couple notes from her."
    Her.
    It's funny because I never expected Kaia Turner to be my downfall. I expected her always to be a background character. I knew her silence was going to benefit me in some way, but even in the end, that's what they all love most.
"I came to this stupid fucking party because you wanted me to! I'm sorry that I'm not picking fucking seashells up at the beach. You barely fucking know her and you're telling me that you've fallen in love with her or something?"
I'm trying to keep myself together. I'm trying to not do anything to rash.
Then it hits me. It shoves me against the wall, knocking the air out of me. It's the same sound a plate makes when it shatters against the floor. It's the screeching of nails on a chalkboard. It's Kaia Turner's silence, and noise, all mixed together.
"I'm not in love with her, I'm just no longer in love with you."
I let out a sob, biting my tongue for it.
What do I say to that?
'Sorry for trying to mend our year and a half relationship that was too far gone'
'Sorry that I wasn't born blond and prettier'
'Love me because I think I'm in love with you'
But nothing slips from my lips.
Gale breaths heavily, his chest crashing against his ribcage over, and over, and over again.
A phone rings from the porch columns behind us.
I amble over, peeking on the other side.
My blood boils. Her face is inches away from mine, her eyes shut as she's caught. "Of course. You enjoyed it didn't you? I'm glad you got your nightly entertainment."
Did she feel satisfied? Was she happy that everything was going how it was meant to for her? Deer caught in the headlights, except the lights were never on in the first place.
I never wanted them on for her.
I turn on my heel, walking away, back through the party, and straight for the keg.
    I need something to make me feel better, something to hold onto.
Kaia runs behind me, calling out for me.
"Gabby, I didn't mean to listen to so much of it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," She pleads, making me cringe even harder at her lame excuse.
I fill my cup, pouring it straight down my throat.
She has some nerve.
She walks around like she's self-righteous, peeling herself to every problem, and every piece of attention she can find.
"You might make everyone else fall for your bullshit, but you're just like the rest of them. I see right through you. You're worthless."
Does she know her phone is fucking ringing?
Stupid fucking Kaia.
"Do you want to rest?"
Is she fucking joking?
I'm about to respond when she turns around, rushing somewhere else.
——
I head towards an empty bathroom, knocking to check its empty.
    "What?!" The voice behind the door snaps.
    "Open the door you, fuck! You don't own the goddamn bathroom." I shout back, about to bang my fist against it, but it opens.
    He looks worried, his eyes a hazier than when I last saw him.
    "Where's Kaia?"
    I look at him up and down. Kaia.
    "Follow me."
——
    I prop him against the window, waiting for her to appear any minute now. This is where she seemed to be headed last time I saw her. Her stupid fucking breakdown must've left her wanting some fresh air.
Instead, what happens is better.
I turn around, my eyes foggy from all the alcohol I've had tonight, but there's no mistaking her blonde hair.
I grab onto the sleeve of Cade's shirt, spinning him around to what's behind him.
Kaia stands there, being caressed by some Cade wannabe. He's not quite as tall, nor as good looking, but blondes have never been my type so there goes that.
He smooths his hands over her shoulder, and they're talking, but it's barely audible from all the noise inside the house.
I turn towards Cade, watching his eyebrows relax, his shoulders droop, his hands turn white against the beer pong table.
All his tension has moved to his fingers, grasping for something.
I guess we all have things in common.
I almost feel bad for him, almost feel some sort of pity, but I don't. Not when it's because of Kaia.
"She looks so comfortable doesn't she?" I say to
him, watching his fingers shift from white to violet. "Do you think she cares? About any of us? God, you're stupid, along with the rest of them."
He turns to me, grabbing my arm harshly.
Why the fuck do they keep doing that?!
"Don't fucking talk about her."
I shove my arm off, his grip isn't too strong. "I'll do what I want. You need a fucking drink." I shove my full red solo cup against his chest. He blinks, taking it, and drinking all of it.
Like clockwork, Kaia leaves with blondie.
Cade's world seems to turn upside down. He plummets into the couch, staring at the ceiling as if it has some answer for what happened tonight.
People are just like that.
People are unloyal.
One second you think they're with you, they're in love with you, and the next, they dissipate into thin air.
——
"I just fucking hate her, and I hate him," I slur, rubbing my forehead against the other lazy fuck beside me.
"I have to fucking leave tomorrow but all my shit is in her fucking room," Cade slurs back, his words oozing out of his mouth.
"Let's go fucking get it then. Show her up, my friend."
He shakes his head. "No, we," he does a finger motion, pointing between the two of us, "aren't friends."
I roll my eyes. "It's a fucking figure of speech. You're such a fucking dick. I don't know why she liked you. Oh... that's right, she fucking didn't."
He shoves me off him. "Where your boyfriend?! You're just as alone as I am."
I can barely understand him. He's talking like he's half asleep.
I laugh at his comment though, or whatever I heard from it. "He's probably fucking some girl right now, the same way blondie #2 is fucking Kaia right now too."
He stands up, immediately heading towards the door.
Fuck no.
I'm not going to end up alone in this fucking hell hole I didn't want to be at in the first place.
I follow him out, stumbling a couple of times. I hear him stomp on the sand, until he stops. He stands in the center of the beach, waiting for me.
——
We climb through the lobby, and ascend in the elevator, watching the numbers on the buttons flash through every floor.
The elevator dings, and we both hold onto the wall, and each other to reach the other side of the hall. We find his hotel and enter quietly.
I hum to myself.
Kaia isn't here.
He frowns realizing this as well.
He lays down on the bed, stretching his arms like a starfish.
I feel dirty being next to him.
This wasn't supposed to end with me next to Cade Steele.
This was supposed to end with me and Gale.
This was supposed to end with Kaia and Cade.
Both of them showed exactly who the fuck they are.
"Can I shower?" I ask, staring at him from my position across the room.
"Yea. There's some towels in there."
I walk into the bathroom, turning in the faucet. The water runs cold, ambling into a finally warmer temperature. I take my clothes off, sitting on the floor of the shower, my knees huddled against my bare chest.
The water falls hotter and hotter as time goes on, searing into my skin. I look down at my forearms, their skin as pink as a sunset. I want to remove myself from the boiling water, but I can't.
I start sobbing, my tears becoming incoherent against the blistering liquid.
——
I rub my red eyes, my skin still burning.
Cade lays there, solemn.
He's a good guy. Someone who didn't deserve to have the love of his life walk out on him with some other guy.
Maybe he shouldn't have trusted her as much as he did then.
I wrap my towel tighter around me.
My head hurts, and I know how bad my hangover is going to be tomorrow, but that's alright.
Nothing is alright, but I know my hangover is going to be alright.
It's the only thing I know for certain.
I huddle against Cade, feeling his warmth beside me. He turns towards me, wrapping his arms around me. His fingers smooth over my hair, lightly, but consistently.
I know this isn't how he wanted to night to end either, but things don't always work out the way we want them to... Yet, I think this is exactly where I need to be.
I never needed much from people. I never needed someone to kiss my wounds, or give me a pat on the back.
I needed someone who understood me.
I needed someone who wouldn't cower away from me because I'm too cold, or because I'm too angry, or too boring.
My eyes start to close, as Cade's drunk breath begins to calm.
A couple minutes pass by and he's snoring.
    I hit his chest.
    You should try being fucking nicer, Gabby.
    I immediately feel guilty.
    "Stay quiet for me, okay?"
    He listens, and I don't hear a single snore.
    My eyes close.
    And I fall asleep.
    Just sleep.