House Ghost ONC 2022 LONGLISTER

Chapter 10: What Happened

"Oh my god!" She smacks my arm in fun. "Okay, okay. Only so you don't talk about me and my boyfriend having sex while I'm eating, or else I'm gonna choke."

It's relaxing driving through the city in the middle of the night, there aren't too many cars out but just enough so you don't feel isolated. Kaylee's chattering next to me about the importance of color blocking and its effect on overall mood and wellbeing.

"...and that's why dark blue would match you so much better than me," she finishes, unscrewing the cap on her chocolate milk.

"Because I'm a pasty white boy and you're a black woman?"

Kaylee snorts, nearly coughing on her drink, "No. I mean the contrasting skin tone would help you wear indigoes, but it's because you need serenity and a calm anchoring point."

"Pfft."

"It'd match you better than the plain-ass colors in your room now! You're so dull sometimes, you know that?" She laughs and shakes her head, curling bouncing around her. "You need to get out more and buy stuff, dork."

"It's called being economic."

"Mhmm, sure. Sure it is. Also called being dull."

I roll my eyes as we pull up to an intersection, and wait for my right of way. "Yeah well, I'm not letting you mess around in my room. Trevor's your guinea pig for that."

"Just you wait, Justin. Someday I'm going to get in there and redecorate your room. Those walls look like dried vomit."

The car before me passes, and I drive forward.

"Hey, don't judge my choices in wall--"

"Woah woah woah Just--!"

The pickup truck rams into us from the side, blinding me with its overpowered headlights. Tires screech, metal splinters, and Kaylee screams. Our car spirals out of control.

Everything's cold and bright, and for a moment, time stops completely.

Then the car lurches forward, my head smashes against the wheel, and the world goes black.

I never saw it coming. I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I see it?!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Justin? Justin Richards, can you hear me?"

The lights are bright, and I wince. Where am I?

"You suffered a concussion, Justin."

"Wh... whhh..." The words won't come. "Wurrrrss K... kayyyyyli?" My tongue feels like a ton of lead. My head hurts. Freaking everything hurts all over.

"'ss, is shhhee ok?"

"Your friend got the full force of the accident, I'm afraid. She's in very bad shape."

"B..b-but... sh'lll be kayyy, ri?"

The nurse looks at me kindly. Too kindly. My vision starts swimming before she opens her mouth.

"She's in a coma."

The world spins and turns sideways, and darkness clouds out the panic clawing at my consciousness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I need... I need to see her. Please..."

After begging her for the fifth time, the nurse relents and slowly guides me to Kaylee's hospital room. She's in another wing of the building, ICU.

My heart drops when I see her. Tubes are all over the place, hundreds of screens and devices are beeping and flashing. It feels like everything is moving and active except for the one thing that should be. Her entire right side is covered in bandages, and her face is covered by gauze and an oxygen mask, but the little I can see is horribly bruised.

"She has multiple bone fractures and a punctured lung," Kaylee's nurse says. "The biggest fears are for concussion and stopping any internal bleeding."

If she had been driving instead of me, would she have been okay and I'd be hospitalized instead? Or would she have seen the car coming and moved out of the way in time? Why didn't I see the damned car?

"Is she going to be okay? She's going to pull through, right?"

"It's a serious case, but it's not impossible by any means."

That extra second of hesitation again. She's figuring out how to give hope without going too far.

Swaying on my feet, I make my way to a chair beside her bed. Crossing my arms over my chest, I lean forward. I don't know what to say. In that moment, all I can look at is the chocolate milk splattered on Kaylee's red patterned shirt. How annoyed she would be at the color clash and the stain on the design.

She might not ever wake up to see it.

"Kaylee?" The lump in my throat throttles my voice into a whisper. " I'm so sorry. I know you're strong. Stay with us. Please? You don't deserve this. It should have been me. Don't go..."

"Oh my god, Kaylee, my baby girl!" Her mother runs into the room and clutches Kaylee's hand, bursting into sobs. Kaylee's dad is close behind, putting an hand on her shoulder and his own eyes red with tears.

This moment isn't for me, I shouldn't be here. I get up silently and move away from the bedside, offering incoherent apologies. Another wave of dizziness hits me, and the nurse guides me out. As we leave, Trevor passes me into the hospital room. He tries to catch my eye, but I don't have the courage to face his grief.

I pass out less than a minute after the nurse puts me back to bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hours pass. The police come in and take my statement, and a nurse checks on me once in a while, but no one tells me anything about Kaylee. I drift in and out of restless sleep. Every time I hear footsteps pass the door, I sit up in spite of the ache that shoots through my shoulder when I prop myself up. My head feels like its splitting open, compounded by the steady thrum of anxiety pulsing through my body with every heartbeat. Where's Kaylee now? How is she doing? When will she revive? 

At last, after god knows how much time, Trevor opens the door. His shoulders are slumped and his eyes are bleary from exhaustion. He probably hasn't slept at all the whole night. For a second, I think he's going to come in, but he hesitates, hovering around the doorframe.

We stare at each other, and the pain written all over his face tells me more than words he's about to say.

"Kaylee's gone."

I stare at him in silence. My brain goes numb with shock. She's dead? We were laughing over color swatches and eating McDonalds barely six hours ago. The doctor said she could pull through. Kaylee can't be dead, she just can't.

Trevor looks away, tears trickling down his face. "Fifteen minutes ago, on the operating table, she-- she didn't make it... she's gone, man."

He buries his face in his hand and bursts into sobs. Why can't I apologize, offer my condolences, anything? Nothing comes out of my mouth. I can't even give sympathy to Kaylee's boyfriend. I'm an asshole.

The nurse comes up behind Trevor and waits, compassion in her eyes. Still crying, he turns away and leaves, not giving me another word.

Slowly, I tear my eyes away from the door. I stare at my bed but see nothing.

"Justin? How are you doing?" The nurse asks softly.

"She had almost graduated." My voice is hollow and empty. "She had her whole life ahead of her. Now she's gone. Just like that."

She gazes at me sympathetically, but doesn't say anything. What is there to say? After taking my vitals and checking my other symptoms, she recommends I rest more and leaves.

The ache in my chest deepens and grows, until it feels like someone dug a hole inside my ribs. There, sitting alone in the hospital room, the horrifying truth becomes reality.

Kaylee is dead.

She's dead because of me.

It's my fault.

My throat prickles and stings, but the tears never come. Deep down inside, I know.

I don't deserve to grieve.