The Moment I Knew

Prologue

It's his grand mother's birthday.

I was actually not invited but I want to go so I can introduce myself to his family.

Because I know, he will never ever do it.

I wore a thin-strapped beige dress, my hair is in a bun. I also wore a red lipstick with a three-inch stilleto.

I am pregnant but I know how to wear heels, even the eight-inches ones so madali nalang ang three-inches sa akin.

Nag effort ako upang katangi-tangi akong tignan ngayong gabi. Ayokong may masabing kung ano ang pamilya niya sa akin.

I took a deep breath when I felt the car stopped.

I am confident that his family will accept me tonight. I can already imagine the bond that we'll have after our talk. I am feeling nervous but excited.

I took my phone inside my purse and checked my text messages I sent to Seph earlier but I never received any reply from him.

My heart hurt a little pero inisip ko na lang na baka busy siya since nay occassion nga.

Magpapasundo sana ako dito sa labas pero hindi siya nag reply kaya tuluyan na akong lumabas ng kotse nang mapagbuksan ng driver.

Inilibot ko ang mata sa malaking bahay sa harapan ko. Maraming tao ang nasa loob dahil kahit nasa labas ka ay nakikita mo ang mga tao.

Nanlalamig ang mga kamay at kinakabahan man ay sinigurado kong hindi halata iyon sa mukha ko.

"Kuya Armand, mag park ka nalang po muna. I'll call you if uuwi na kami ni Seph. I'm sure lasing iyon kaya hindi makakapag drive."

Tumango ang driver ko at pumasok na sa kotse bago ito pinaandar.

I walked slowly towards the entrance of the house.

Nobody noticed me yet so I wandered my eyes to look for Seph.

I saw him with an elder couple.

I think it's his relative.

Nang tuluyang makapasok ay doon palang ako nakakuha ng atensyon. May iba na napapalingon sa akin. May iba ng naguguluhan kung sino ako, may ibang nagbubulungan sa presensya ko habang nakatingin sa akin ngunit hindi ko iyon pinansin at dumerecho lang sa kung nasaan si Seph.

Inihanda ko na ang ngiti ko para sa kanya ngunit napahinto ako nang malapit na ako sa kanila.

"Thank you for loving my daughter, Slate. I know how much you love my daughter. And I know nagluluksa ka parin hanggang ngayon so we just want you to know that we are still here. As your second parents."

"Thank you mom, dad. I miss her everyday, too."

I feel like my heart was cut in two pieces. It hurt so much.

Now, I realized. They are not his relatives.

They are his in-laws. The parents of his late wife.

I don't know if this is because of my hormones or if I am only emotional but tears started to form in my eyes.

Kung nadurog ako sa narinig ko, mas may maikakadurog pa pala ako.

"I would never love another woman, dad. Era is my soulmate and the only love of my life."

And they hugged each other.

My eyes met the woman's eyes. Nakita niya ako sa likod ni Seph. Nang kumalas silansa yakap ay nakatingin parin ito sa akin.

"I think you have a visitor, son."

Sinundan nito ang tingin ng babae at dinala ito sa akin. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata nito ngunit umigting ang mga panga na para bang nagpipigil ng galit. Ang mga mata nito ay walang kasing lamig.

"We'll be around, son. I have to talk to your parents." Sabi noong lalaki at umalis na ang mga ito.

Nang mawala ang mga ito ay inilang hakbang lang niya ang kinatatayuan ko at marahas akong hinawakan sa braso.

Kinaladkad niya ako palabas ng mansion. Hindi lang emotional ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Pati physical dahil sa higpit ng hawak nito sa braso ko. I think it will bruise tomorrow.

Patapon nitong binitiwan ang braso ko at galit na hinarap ako.

"Bakit ka nandito?"

"G-gusto ko lang batiin ang lola mo. A-at para ipakilala ang sarili ko sa p-pamilya mo. H-hindi ka kasi nag reply sa mga texts k-ko." Nanginginig na sabi ko dito.

Mas lalo lang dumilim ang mukha nito.

"Can't you get it? I did not reply because I don't want to! At ang kapal ng mukha mong pumunta dito upang ipakilala ang sarili sa pamilya ko. Bakit? Sino ka ba? Ano ba kita?"

Durog na durog na ako sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig nito. Pero kaya ko pa.

"I am pregnant with your child. I am your girlfriend. The mother of your child." I confidently answered.

"How stupid. You are only the mother of my child. I only tolerated your presence because of my kid. But to be you boyfriend? Huh? never!" He mockingly laugh while saying the last part.

I smiled at him despite of the tears on my eyes.

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil sa bukol sa lalamunan. Sobrang sakit. Hindi ko alam kung may mas ikakasakit pa ito.

Katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin ng ilang segundo. Nahihilo ako ngunit ginawa ko nag lahat upang hindi nito malaman iyon dahil alam kong sisisihin lang niya ako instead na tulungan.

"Go home. And don't ever do this again!"

Isang sulyap ang iginawad nito sa akin bago pumasok ulit sa loob. Iniwan niya ako dito sa labas. Mag isa sa dilim.

Tuluyan nang nahulog ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili. I sent a message to my driver and just a couple of minutes, he's already in front of me.

Habang nasa byahe pauwi ay marami akong na realized.

Love should not be forced.

Love should be freeing.

Is this the sign I asked from God?

Should I give up?

Or stay more hoping he'll change?

But what if I wreck myself more?

When I arrived home, it's mine and Seph's house given by my parents. But I feel like I there alone. I can't feel his presence.

I slowly went inside our room with tears in my eyes.

Ni wala akong makitang bakas na dito nakatira si Seph.

I put my things on the side table and sit on the bed.

I held my chest because it hurts like a fucking bitch and I don't know how to ease the pain..

Maybe...this love is not for me...

Even when his wife was still alive...

Was the first moment I knew he will never be mine.