While the Sun Shines

39.

"@Nick you fucking her yet?"

The messages kept coming, one worse than the other and everyone piled on. At some point, someone even asked Nick to send any nudes he got. Blake's eyes stayed glued to the screen and glided across all the lines popping up in the notification boxes. It took a few seconds before Nick snapped out of his shock. He reached out and slammed the laptop shut. 

An awkward silence followed.

Nick just stared at his hand on top of the laptop. This wasn't the first time he'd felt ashamed of other people knowing he was in a chat with people who talked like that. He'd felt similar with Emma, and always kept her away from it, despite her never really being the target of truly disgusting comments. She was friends with most people in the football chat too, and that seemed to gain her some immunity. Blake had no such immunity. Nick knew all too well if he scrolled up far enough, he'd still find memes and fag remarks made about Blake while they were still in high school. 

He knew it was wrong before and had looked away. But he'd never felt as ashamed about it as he did right now. The longer the silence between him and Blake lasted, the worst Nick felt until he could no longer take it.

"They're idiots," Nick blurted, just to break the silence.

Blake snorted. "Tell me something I don't know."

Blake didn't sound upset, but Nick couldn't tell what he was thinking. It couldn't be anything good. After that moment they'd sharing on campus during which Blake told Nick he knew Nick was a different person now suddenly rang hallow. 

If Nick was still standing by, looking away and ignoring his 'friends' making comments he didn't agree with, was he truly any better now? He couldn't have it both ways: claim he'd changed without making any effort to actually show it. Even if that meant conflict.

Nick knew what he had to do. 

Squaring his shoulders with renewed resolve, Nick opened the laptop again, while Blake just sat there and watched what he was doing. Nick navigated to the football chat, then the settings, and moved his cursor to the 'exit chat' button. 

"Wait, Nick, you don't have to do that." Blake put his hand on Nick's hand that held the mouse. "If you're, like, doing it for me, you don't have to in any case. I don't care about them. It could actually be kinda funny, watching their morally deprived, braindead comments and lament a future in which these people probably become managers."

Nick couldn't even bring himself to smile at Blake's joke. "I am partially doing it for you," he replied. "But I do have to do this." 

Nick turned back to the screen. If he left, that'd be it. He wouldn't ever go back, despite the guys undoubtedly questioning why he left in private chats. He could ignore all of those, or answer them only with what was the truth: I'm not returning to the football team when I go home, so I shouldn't be here. 

"Nick..." Blake said.

"No, it's okay," Nick interrupted before Blake could say more. "It was a done deal already— the friendships and the football. Leaving is only making it official." 

Strangely, Nick didn't feel any hesitation anymore. He felt nothing as he clicked the 'leave' button. After confirming, the chat vanished from his overview right away. Nick closed the laptop. 

"I needed to let it go already," Nick said, looking over at Blake. "It was over when I took the plane. And it was definitely over when I kissed you. I can't date you and be friends with them. I knew that already." 

Nick frowned. Finally, he felt himself getting a little worked up, but not for the reasons he'd expected. It wasn't about leaving— it was about why he hadn't left earlier. Nicks voice grew firmer as he went on. "I don't want to be friends with people like them. I don't even want to talk to them."

Blake was no longer smiling. But there was something even better, something warmer than the usual spark in his eyes. His hand was still resting on top of Nick's hand. And maybe for the first time ever, even if Blake said it wasn't necessary to leave, Nick felt like he had done something very right with Blake by deleting that chat. 

It was confirmed when Blake kissed him next, with more intensity and passion than ever before. Nick couldn't tell whether it was because he had alleviated some of his own guilt, or because Blake changed. Either way, their kiss hit completely different. It was more comfortable and more exhilarating at the same time. Nick's pulse raced. Even if this wasn't their first kiss, this was the one that would stay ingrained in his memory forever. 

Blake broke their kiss but stayed close. His fingers were tangled Nick's hair, and he tilted his head so their foreheads were lightly touching.

"Okay, like..." Blake paused, releasing a shuddering breath that fanned across Nick's face. "Don't take this as any sort of pressure because it's not, so take your time. But I'm totally ready whenever you are to take you to my bedroom."

Blake smiled, but from his half-lidded eyes, Nick could tell he was dead serious. It was suddenly one-thousand degrees in the apartment. Nick's face burned. His entire body burned. He'd wanted to say yes nights before but he'd chickened out.

He wouldn't make that mistake again, even if his stomach lurched with nerves. "I need to take a shower first," he stammered. 

Blake let out a laugh. "Why, babe? I'm just going to make you sweat again anyway." 

Nick floundered, stammering several half-complete and incoherent words, and Blake laughed some more. "I'm joking." He thought for a moment. "Well, not about the sweating part. Just don't take too long showering."

Blake untangled his fingers from Nick's hair, but his eyes were dark with lust and made a shiver travel down Nick's spine. 

"Oh, fuck it," Nick muttered. He threw his arms around Blake and stood, lifting Blake off the ground. Blake yelped in surprise but didn't resist. He dug his fingers into Nick's shoulders in surprise, and quickly wrapped his legs around Nick's waist to support himself. 

"Jesus, Nick," he breathed into Nick's ear. "You're always going from zero to one-hundred."  

Blake was somehow a lot lighter than Nick had expected him to be, so the hoisting him up went a little more roughly than Nick had intended. 

"I'm so—" he started apologising, but Blake cut him off with a kiss. 

"No," he told Nick firmly, his face flushed and his lips swollen from making out. "None of that. Take me to my bedroom right now."