All Along | ✓

Chapter Thirty-One

She nods, "I made you carry me all afternoon until you had to go back home. Sorry about that."

I turn to look at her, a frown on my face. "Why are you sorry?"

She laughs, looking at me like I'm crazy. "You had to deal with that! I was a demanding little brat and you put up with my shít better than anyone I've ever known."

I shrug, "I've never seen it as having to put up with it. You think I minded carrying you around all day? My arms went numb by the time I finally put you down, and I was still reluctant to do so. I never wanted to let you go."

She frowns, "But you always seemed so... I don't know. Not quite reluctant, I guess. But you never seemed to really want to do that stuff."

"I did," I tell her lowly, "I really did, trust me. You thought you were a demanding brat?" I scoff, "If you hadn't been that way, I would have had to be. I loved that you needed me so much. Making you happy made me happy. Still does."

She visibly sucks in a breath, "Oh."

I turn to look back at the courts, unable to hold her turquoise gaze. The look in her eyes fills me with too much misplaced hope. "Yeah."

We're in a comfortable silence once more. As we sit there together, nothing but quiet music and our breathes filling the air between us, I find myself wanting her to crawl into my arms like she used to.

It's an abrupt thought - one I haven't had in a long while. Sure, I've thought about how I used to hold her and everything felt right, but I haven't such a strong urge like this in... years. Because it's weird to think that way about my best friend... my adult best friend. But I want that. I want to hold her more than anything. To feel her head on my chest and breathes on my neck and her arms curled around me, legs tucked up against her. She would fit against me just the way she used to. Despite us both being adults, I'm much taller and larger than her. She's about average height and she's got curves to spare, but even so, I completely dwarf her still.

I should not be thinking about her curves right now.

But it's hard not to. Not when I'm finally noticing them for the first time. Not when she's wearing skin-tight leggings that cling to her like a second skin. I should stop thinking these thoughts immediately.

"Do you miss those days?" Luna asks softly, breaking me from my thoughts. "Before you left for college?" She adds.

"Of course," I reply immediately, "The five years that I spent with you before I left were the best years of my life. I owe you everything, Little Luna. You completely shaped me into the person I am today. I miss being able to spend every second of every day with you, unapologetically."

She smiles, "It was easier, wasn't it?"

I nod, "It was. Back then, a scraped knee felt like the end of the world to you."

"It did," She agrees softly, "I would run to you crying at the drop of a hat - anything that even slightly went wrong, I always sought you out."

"I fúcking loved that, y'know?" I admit roughly, leaning my head back against the headrest of my seat and closing my eyes. "The way you always ran to me. I loved being your safe space. You would sit there and cry and I would hold you and... and I would say and do everything I could to stop those tears. I hated seeing you cry more than anything, but I loved being the one to wipe the tears away."

"I wasn't a burden?" She asks, her voice small.

"Never." I tell her honestly, my voice feeling like gravel.

"You are still my safe space, y'know?" Luna tells me quietly.

I open my eyes and look at her again. It almost hurts to do so - she's that fúcking pretty. "Not the way I used to be," I disagree, "You won't let me."