Fault

RESOLVE

Jeff's grip was unchanging as I babbled. "I need you to calm down, just hold on to me and breath."

That wasn't the answer I wanted. He wasn't going to give it to me, so my eyes went to a more helpful source. Carol. The woman's eyes were watering again. Her hands cupped over her mouth trying to hide what expression lay beneath. "Carol? Carol?! Cory's okay right? Tell me he's okay. Why won't you tell me he's okay?"

"Sleeping Lianne, Cory's sleeping." Jeff insisted, while his wife tried to control her own sobs.

I continued to cry and fight against my foster father's embrace. Phantom shapes from my memory, like dancing shadows almost coming into the light, pushed against my pounding migraine. Even so, Jeff continued to hold me. Carol dropped to her knees to take my hand, her sobs paralleling my own.

It felt like hours before my the fight left me, and I found the ability to ask again.

Weak Carol looked to her husband to give me the answer, "Cory fell down the stairs. He broke some ribs, his leg and arm and he hit his head. He'd been laying there for a while before we found him."

Abruptly I pulled away from Jeff, looking straight up into his face and for the first time since I'd met him, Jeff turned away from me.

With no tears left to cry the stab in my chest caused my stomach to lurch. The nauseous feeling brought the memory from the shadows. The bloody bandage on Cory's little head. My distraught family and before that ... The moment I'd peaked into Cory's room to see him fast asleep in bed, before leaving him all alone, because I couldn't miss that stupid party.

My fault. He'd woken up. It was me he always looked for when he woke up at night. My bed he would climb into.

But I wasn't there.

Six years old and I left him alone ... to go to a party.

I burned my gaze into Jeff's profile. He managed to keep his eyes averted, his masculine features darkened with pain, unable to continue. By this time Carol had found her voice, though I never looked away from Jeff.

"When we finally found Cory, he had lost too much blood and his brain wasn't receiving oxygen." Her voice cracked but I had heard every word.

'Finally found' - 'Lost too much blood' - Say it Jeff.

All I wanted was for him to say it. 'Look at me and say it. Look at me,' I screamed in my head until suddenly my mouth opened,

"Look at me - LOOK AT ME!" My scream echoed down the hall. He did. With as much control in his expression as he could muster. "Just say it. I killed him didn't I. It's my fault he was alone. It's my fault your son is dead."

That's when I saw an expression I'd never seen before. Jeff's dark brown eyes shook, tears brimmed, and his hard features became gentle. "That's what you really think?" He said. My heart stuttered. The tears that slipped down his brave face weren't saturated with disappointment, which made them difficult to process. "Lianne, we were terrified, until we saw you. The fact you were okay, gave us hope."

Blank. My mind was as white as a document screen an hour before my essay was due. Completely blank.

"Sweetie," Carol took my face in her hands and looked directly into my eyes. Though they were full of tears, I was overwhelmed with there sincerity. "He's not dead. He's not. He just hasn't woken up."

Hasn't woken up? Cory was alive.

Again words became impossible to speak, they piled up in my mouth blocking the back of my throat. I was really going to throw up this time. My eyes shifted to the floor as if they were searching for the best spot to buckle over. Carol wrapped her arms around me again.

"Have faith sweetie. Your brother is going to get through this."

Brother? They'd said it before. In fact, they'd said it many times - Take care of your brother. Play with your brother. Quit fighting with your brother. Yet, never once had I believed they thought of me as his sister - But this time, the word pulled a crisp 'whoosh' of air into my lungs.

My mind said it first, over and over until finally - "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't get rid of me. Don't make me leave."

"Oh sweetie." Carol's hands cupped my face. "I was never going to let anyone take you away from me."

Her embrace became more than just her arms tightly wrapped around me. The warmth emanating from her body pacified the tremors, new tears slipped from my supposedly dehydrated eyes. Jeff's hand gently caressed my hair before pulling us both into his broad embrace and they held me.

Until I felt safe.

Then they continued to hold me,

Until I could speak.

"Can I see him?"