My Safe Place

Chapter 29

Adam and I have spent hours driving around the town I grew up in. I've taken him to every monumental place I could think of; my old schools, college and the coffee shop included. We didn't go inside however as I couldn't bare to face what I had left behind. My parents told me that the place got broken into after I left and that they raided the place. That was over a month ago though and from looking in from the outside, it seems as though the place is up and running as usual but I can't help but feel incredibly guilty. Not that I left it unlocked intentionally.

We are back at my parents house now. Adam is giving me one of his pep talks as I contemplate how to go about having a deep conversation with my parents. It takes a while before I get the guts to head down the stairs and into the living room where my parents are sitting on the sofa together watching tv as if they weren't separated.

"Celia, are you okay?" My mother says to me.

"Yes, I was erm just wondering if maybe we could have a chat. You know just us three?"

"Of course. Come sit." She says as she pats the empty cushion next to her. I make my way over and sit next to my mother. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Everything. Like how I'm sorry and how I didn't mean to hurt you guys when I left."

"Celia. We know you didn't leave." My father says abruptly. "We know he took you and it's okay it's not your fault."

"What are you talking about dad?"

"Listen Celia, I know you have thought about it. Stockholm syndrome. That's what you have and it's okay we will get you help."

"I don't have that dad. I love him."

"I understand Celia." He says in a caring tone that makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs. They are both refusing to understand and look at things from my perspective. "You think you love him but you don't. And he doesn't love you either. He kidnapped you to use you for your own benefit. He's lying to you about everything."

"No he's not dad."

"He is." My mother says, finally making it known that she agrees with my father.

"Mum, please you have to understand that he isn't. I'm not stupid. I would know if I had Stockholm syndrome."

"No you wouldn't. That's the point, people that have it are completely unaware that they have it. Just like you, they think that they are falling in love with the man that took them. We love you Celia and we want you to be safe here with us. You can't be safe if you are with him."

"You have no idea mum. Neither of you do."

"We understand better than you think Celia. It'll take a while before you realise but when you do we will be here waiting okay?" She says it in a way that makes me question everything. There is no way I have Stockholm syndrome I know that. I can't have that. "See. You are already starting to consider it aren't you?"

And with that my eyes start to tear up. I quickly jump off of the sofa and start making my way to the stairs.

Adam. Shit. He is sat at the bottom of the stairs with tears in his eyes. He heard everything.

I grab a hold of his hand and lead him up the stairs and into my bedroom. Within seconds, we are both in tears hugging each other tightly as if it's the last hug we will ever have.

"It's not true. Don't believe them Adam." I say through my tears.

"But what if it is true, love? I know I love you but what if you just love me because you were forced to?" I look up at him and he immediately pushes me head back down into his chest. He doesn't want me to see him crying but I can feel the tears tripping onto my head.

"Please don't do this Adam." I sob.

"Celia I can't do this to you. I'm ruining you. Your family. Im ruining everything for you."

"No- no your not. Please Adam." My cries louden the same as his. We are both a crying mess. I know exactly what he is thinking of doing. It's times like this where I wish I couldn't read him so well. "Please don't leave me Adam."

"I don't want to love I really don't."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I'm doing this for you. Everything I do is for you." His grip around me loosens and he brings his hands to wipe at the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I love you Celia but I can't ruin everything for you. You deserve better than that."

I can't even form words anymore. My heart has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. It aches. My entire body aches. Hurts even.

I watch as he picks up the small bag he brought with him. He chucks it over his shoulder, gives me a small peck on the cheek and leaves.

The second I hear the front door close I drop to my knees. I can't do this without him. I can't do anything without him. My safe place is gone.