deception || a.i. [divergent]

o n e

o n e :

• f e a r •

I was told as a child to fear everything. To always be afraid and to always be on the lookout. That fears are lurking around every corner. I could never believe those who told me though.

It was a good thing to have many fears, it showed that you cared and that you were cautious. I never feared much.

I never liked heights or tight spaces nor the idea of drowning, but I most definitely was not like most kids, cowering behind their mothers backs. I was different.

Fears felt controlled in my mind, like it was something out of my reach, something I couldn't get over myself. It felt like someone was controlling it for me.

I was treated differently at school, even though I tried hard to fit in. I didn't fear the things that those people could do to me. They were the ones who feared me. I don't blame them either, in this world, if you're different you deserved to be feared, it's just how things worked.

There is another one like me.

The girl who balanced on train tracks, jumping to safety only moments before the train was to take the life from her body. Everyone feared for her life while she laughed about the rush that it gave her.

I sat underneath the tree by the tracks and watched as she laid on the wooden boards waiting for danger to come to her.

We were the outcasts.

We were feared.

We were fearless.

But we stayed away from each other.

That was my fourth fear.

Others like myself. Fearless souls who scared others for a rush. I was afraid of the damage that together we would create.

I only had five fears.

One, heights. I couldn't stand them. If I wasn't strapped in, I feared for dear life.

Two, the thought of drowning. There had been many nights were I awoke in a sweat and breathless after not being able to drag myself to the surface of the ocean. I only feared when the waves would pull me away forever.

Three, tight spaces, claustrophobia. The tight hallways and tiny classrooms in school didn't help any, but it was my bedroom closet that I would hide in after waking from nightmares brought on from after my father died that really brought the fear to life. I couldn't escape.

Four, complete and utter chaos caused by myself and others like me. I only feared the damage we could do to the world we lived in. The fragile planet of lush green grass, beautiful ocean waves, and stone concrete jungles. We could destroy it all.

And my last fear is my worst fear of all.

Five, being cast out forever by the ones I loved for being like I am. Brave and stubborn. Being pushed aside because I didn't fit the idea of our perfect society. That one day I might have to leave home.

Even though three of the fears were physical and the other two were mental, it was those five things that I could never bring myself to get over.

I live in a city they once called San Francisco. Now it has no name, since there is no where else to go, no travelling to any other places. Most just called it home. It's a concrete jungle, buildings and roads everywhere you look.

My family though, lives on what they call The Rock.

Our board of officials said that it used to be a prison, but they also say that it was where people became free. It's honesty not so bad there. Just enough room for a little over fifty families.