𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 [𝐣.𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫]

27: 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔨 {𝔭𝔱. 𝔦𝔦𝔦}

"I don't understand why you read all that depressing shit, moony," he said loftily, cupping his hand around his own cigarette, and the flame that lit it. "Muggles, what a bleak group."

"He had some good points, you know," Remus had said, massaging his temples as his eyes fluttered closed in silent pain.

Sirius had raised an eyebrow and blew the smoke delicately out an open window. Then he clapped a hand over his eyes piquantly and flipped to a random page. His eyes scanned the page before he grinned, delightfully.

"There," he had said, a warm excitement filling his chest. "Read that."

Remus had sighed and rolled his eyes, before reading aloud in a flat tone. "You were not made to live like brute beasts, but to pursue virtue and knowledge."

"Well, there you have it, then!" Sirius had announced brightly. "Even our good man Dante agrees, and since he's so smart, he must be right. Now, go pursue virtue and knowledge the way Mssr. Alighieri wanted you to."

"But Sirius," Remus had said quietly, "you've got it wrong. See, I am a brute beast. Perhaps it's good that I've started to pay my retribution now. My very existence was cursed from the start. There's nothing you can do about that."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, a frown beginning to tug at his lips. He flipped to another page. "Do not be afraid; our fate. Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift."

Remus had only pressed his lips into a thin line. "Sirius, honestly. We all have an inclination towards evil. No one stays pure forever. Hell wouldn't exist otherwise."

"Good merlin, moony. Decided to convert to Christianity, haven't you?" Sirius said weakly, a sudden reminder of his mother's screeched preachings echoing in his head.

"Very funny," Remus said dryly. "Just because I don't choose to torture myself with biblical holiness doesn't mean I'm not allowed to ponder over eternal damnation."

"I think having a talk with Frank might help," Sirius said. "Gehinnom only last twelve months, typically. Much more bearable."

Remus only shrugged, smiled, and looked back down at his book (he'd started Anna Karenina during the course of their conversation).

That was the day Sirius Black realized he'd burn for eighteen eternities if it meant a lifetime with Remus Lupin. And according to Walburga Black, that may have been exactly what was required of him and his bouts of homosexuality.

And now, as Sirius Black watched hopelessly as Professor McGonagall scoured the forest, he realized that no one deserved hell more than him.

The boy he loved was his weapon of choice, his schoolyard rivalry turned into an attempted slaughter. Moony would wake up the next morning and be taken away by the ministry, branded a killer, and locked behind the cold cells at Azkaban.

He knew that Remus would never forgive himself.

Remus would wake up the next morning, cold terror running rampant through his veins like liquid fire, burning as the flames licked his sides, charred his golden skin, and reduced him to nothing but a pile of ash. The boy who amounted to nothing, but sought everything.

And Sirius was the kerosene, the match, the cigarette, the oxygen.

Sirius Orion Black was the sole person responsible for the burning of Remus John Lupin.

Sirius felt that it was only fair to confess.

"I killed him," he whispered, feeling the air leave his lungs. "I killed him."

"What are you talking about, Mr. Black?" McGonagall asked sharply, her wand illuminating Hogwarts' vast grounds. Barren trees danced across his vision, casting menacing shadows, gnarled black roots twisting and mutilating at his feet.